Helpful ReplyHot!Hard times

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Innit786
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2018/02/22 22:47:42 (permalink)

Hard times

My dad died and none of my family really liked him. That was a bit hard.


Real talk peeps.
Would have put it in the MTTBM but it didn't seems to sit well.
#1
JUDGEDREDD
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/22 22:51:57 (permalink)
Sorry to hear it mate, I hope the situation isn't too hard on you
#2
Innit786
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/22 22:52:31 (permalink)
Can't seem to edit. Meant it as a question.
#3
Innit786
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/22 22:53:46 (permalink)
JUDGEDREDD
Sorry to hear it mate, I hope the situation isn't too hard on you

Cheers mate. I posted the above just before u posted that. Now I sound like a c**t lol
#4
JUDGEDREDD
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/22 22:56:05 (permalink)
No worries, I know what you mean. You can edit first post on mobile if that helps.

Did you and your old man get on? I'm in the situation where I've had to keep mine away because he's just too toxic, however he's got no one so I'm kinda torn between what to do.. he's just not well in the head or in general so it's a difficult one.
#5
LHC
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/22 23:26:44 (permalink)
Sorry to hear that mate. It can't be easy.

I think it makes sense to have some kind of bereavement thread or something for people to discuss lost friends and family if they want to, even if it's just a place to write. It never seems right seeing that in the MTTBY thread.
#6
Innit786
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/22 23:49:33 (permalink)
JUDGEDREDD
No worries, I know what you mean. You can edit first post on mobile if that helps.

Did you and your old man get on? I'm in the situation where I've had to keep mine away because he's just too toxic, however he's got no one so I'm kinda torn between what to do.. he's just not well in the head or in general so it's a difficult one.


Similar mate to be honest. He was an alcoholic, I was some sort of accidental child that broke up 2 marrages with loads of half brothers and sisters involved. I used to visit him every weekend growing up, then in later years resented him and avoided at times, then sort of started to respect him realising that he must of had issues

I suppose all I can say from your comment is be the best person you can be in the situation, maybe call him, make some regular contact even if that's only a couple.of times of year if he's a hard one to deal with, just for your piece of mind when he goes.
#7
JUDGEDREDD
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 09:03:56 (permalink)
Yeah that's a fair point, I have been on the verge but I've also not wanted to rock my boat at all... I've been having quite a happy life for once and I don't need anyone elses problems to mess with that, selfish yes but sometimes we have to be selfish. I hope things don't get too difficult for you, if you need to vent then oddly this place can help imo, look after yourself   
#8
RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 11:22:07 (permalink)
That sounds horribly, painfully complex. 
 
I lost one of my best friends in November last year to liver cancer. He was one of the most warm, generous and charismatic people I've ever had the pleasure to have known- he split up with his wife not long after I lost my hearing and I don't think I was of much use to him in the same way he propped me up when I went to shit. 
 
He always drank too much, but functioned incredibly well, I did some volunteering at his workplace once and he was head and shoulders above his peers, such a clever guy. Once he split with his Missus he lived in a shitty little flat so he could continue to give her pretty much all his dough because he doted on his three small children. He went out on the piss last year and had an argument with some local down the boozer about fucking Brexit of all things. The barstaff chucked him out straight into a load of aggro teenagers, he squared up to them and got kicked to bits before someone could rescue him. He nursed aching broken ribs for perhaps six months before he thought it might be worth going to the GP. Turned out to be metastasized cancer of the liver. 46 years old. 
 
You know I don't think I heard him complain once about the cards life dealt him. He never cried in front of me, never moaned, carried on making me and people I introduced him to laugh until he was unconscious in his hospice bed. 
 
I heard "Don't stop me now" by Queen on the radio this morning and it fucking set me off, he had it played when his cofffin went down the conveyor belt to the oven. That's the sense of humour he had! 
 
I'm going to put this here because I really felt the need to eulogise the guy and I couldn't put it on fucking FB. It's been bugging me since he died, like an itch I need to scratch


#9
Autograff
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 12:57:48 (permalink)
Sorry to hear all of this.
 
I'm currently waiting on the call regarding my grandad.
 
Both my grandma and grandad broke their hips a few years ago and never recovered, apart from my uncle we all live in a different city to them so being able to help care for them wasn't easy, they both ended up in a care home, albeit a very nice one. Since the accident my grandmas parkinsons got worse quickly and we unfortunately lost her last year, my grandad has deteriorated very fast after, they were married over 60 years and losing her hit him really hard, he's not been the same since and dementia has set in hard and fast over the last few months, where now he isn't eating properly and is losing weight which he doesn't have spare. One of has visited every single day since they took up residency there and I'm going to see him tonight, I just hope he's more lucid than usual as I don't want my potential last visit for him to be like the last few have.
 
Edit** just wanted to add something without commenting again. I can tell this is all killing my mum as well but she’s such a strong woman she’s trying to not let it phase her, and like me isn’t great at talking. I just keep worrying it’s finally all gonna break her.

This is a good thread, sometimes it's easier venting to a group of strangers online than to friends/family.
post edited by Autograff - 2018/02/23 15:32:35
#10
RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 13:23:45 (permalink)
Autograff
We've visited every single day since they took up residency there and I'm going to see him tonight, I just hope he's more lucid than usual as I don't want my potential last visit for him to be like the last few have.
 




 
That whole "this could be the last time, needs to be good" thing is a cunt. It's mental, if we had a good visit I found myself hoping my mate would die before I had to go again in case we had a "shit" (by whatever standard you want to judge a visit like that!) visit next time and that would be the last interaction... 
 
You are right about the venting, you feel selfish going on about it in front of others that knew the deceased, especially family of the deceased- their pain takes precedence over all
 
 


#11
Autograff
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 13:33:27 (permalink)
Jungle Dave
Autograff
We've visited every single day since they took up residency there and I'm going to see him tonight, I just hope he's more lucid than usual as I don't want my potential last visit for him to be like the last few have.
 




 
That whole "this could be the last time, needs to be good" thing is a cunt. It's mental, if we had a good visit I found myself hoping my mate would die before I had to go again in case we had a "shit" (by whatever standard you want to judge a visit like that!) visit next time and that would be the last interaction... 
 
You are right about the venting, you feel selfish going on about it in front of others that knew the deceased, especially family of the deceased- their pain takes precedence over all
 
 




Yeah it's wank, the last time I saw my grandma she was unconscious in bed barely breathing. 
 
I'm shit at talking to people as it is, let alone about sensitive matters. 
#12
Syhr
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 14:07:43 (permalink)
Jungle Dave
 
I heard "Don't stop me now" by Queen on the radio this morning and it fucking set me off, he had it played when his cofffin went down the conveyor belt to the oven. That's the sense of humour he had! 
 
 



Sick. Big up your mate, m8. 


#13
RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 14:19:55 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby dibidibbidibi 2018/02/23 15:27:26
Syhr
 
 
Sick. Big up your mate, m8. 




 
I do Rhys, on a regs bruv!
 
Did I mention he was Welsh. Probably should have done. He had words with all his Welsh mates before he kicked it and got them to swear they would make sure the kids continued to stay in touch with their Welshness.
 
When we went to the wake, it was at this working men's club in Blackwood, outside the local kids played in the street with fucking rugby balls and shit. I had a spliff outside, and started to fumble it behind my back when one of the bar staff came out. The barman then took a massive joint out of his pocket and sparked up what smelled like some very stinky black. I fucking love Wales so much
 
 


#14
RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 14:21:49 (permalink)
Autograff
 
 
Yeah it's wank, the last time I saw my grandma she was unconscious in bed barely breathing. 
 
I'm shit at talking to people as it is, let alone about sensitive matters. 




 
Well you know what, I feel a lot better for posting here today. I think I've been pretty down about it for a while now and I do feel better. Cheers for listening mate. 


#15
Griff
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 14:39:33 (permalink)
Big up Innit, Dave, Autograff and anyone else going through some shit, as Autograff said, helps sometimes to have a vent to some random people.  
 
Dave, your mate sounded like a G man.  Sorry for your loss. 
#16
S8
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 14:40:02 (permalink)
RIP your old man. Shit thing to happen. Lost mine 2 years ago and it was more of a knock that I appreciated it would be. Sorry to hear he didn't get on with the family, can't imagine having to go through that.
 
Jungle Dave
 
That whole "this could be the last time, needs to be good" thing is a cunt. It's mental.
 



This. Proper draining, and you don't realise how much it is until the monitor flatlines and the grief suddenly floods over you. 
 
I did chuckle at the Queen song - RIP your mate, I like that lol.  Sort of thing my old dear would have had done if we hadn't had a giant rubber duck lol
 
 
#17
S8
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 14:42:06 (permalink)
Griff
Big up Innit, Dave, Autograff and anyone else going through some shit, as Autograff said, helps sometimes to have a vent to some random people.  
 
Dave, your mate sounded like a G man.  Sorry for your loss. 




Venting to random people can something be much better than venting to closer mates for some reason I can't explain.
#18
RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 15:06:26 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby S8 2018/02/23 15:28:42
sectionate
 
 
I did chuckle at the Queen song - RIP your mate, I like that lol.  
 




 
I did too, I was streaming then that came on, proper "boo-hoo/haha" tings


#19
RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 15:09:55 (permalink)
Griff
Big up Innit, Dave, Autograff and anyone else going through some shit, as Autograff said, helps sometimes to have a vent to some random people.  
 
Dave, your mate sounded like a G man.  Sorry for your loss. 




 
I think I've avoided talking about it because I hadn't felt justified in talking about "my loss" at all, those kids are so young, I saw the pain in his parents and sister's faces daily and every one of the buggers were tougher than old boots. You just feel like you have to follow the example of people that are handling the whole thing with so much dignity.
 
But yeah, I needed to acknowledge the loss. He was the real McCoy


#20
Autograff
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 15:36:38 (permalink)
Jungle Dave
Autograff
 
 
Yeah it's wank, the last time I saw my grandma she was unconscious in bed barely breathing. 
 
I'm shit at talking to people as it is, let alone about sensitive matters. 





 
Well you know what, I feel a lot better for posting here today. I think I've been pretty down about it for a while now and I do feel better. Cheers for listening mate. 


Same, anytime aswell man.
#21
WombRaider
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 15:52:29 (permalink)
Recently went to my grandads funeral with some family members posting pictures of the coffin for everyone to seeon Facebook , so disrespectful, really should be kept private between family members
#22
RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 15:56:15 (permalink)
WombRaider
Recently went to my grandads funeral with some family members posting pictures of the coffin for everyone to seeon Facebook , so disrespectful, really should be kept private between family members



There is something so fucking wrong about death on Facebook. The photos, the raw emotion, all in those little fucking boxes with the "like" buttons and that Zuckerbergy vibe. Like he's some sort of virtual St Peter almost. 
 
It's grim... and yet I've weirdly been drawn to my mates FB page and gone through his old posts and photos. 
 
You can't win really. 


#23
Original Nuttah
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 15:58:23 (permalink)
Jungle Dave
 
I heard "Don't stop me now" by Queen on the radio this morning and it fucking set me off, he had it played when his cofffin went down the conveyor belt to the oven. That's the sense of humour he had! 
 

Bicycle Race played at my mates funeral as we all walked into the crematorium! Lady Gaga - Born This Way when they coffin actually went for the cremation and I always think of that moment when I hear that song.
#24
RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 16:06:03 (permalink)
Original Nuttah
 
Bicycle Race played at my mates funeral as we all walked into the crematorium! Lady Gaga - Born This Way when they coffin actually went for the cremation and I always think of that moment when I hear that song.




 
My mate posthumously dropped this halfway through the service, fucking destroyed me
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lAVeeuwRiI


#25
Original Nuttah
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/23 16:14:02 (permalink)
Jungle Dave
Original Nuttah
 
Bicycle Race played at my mates funeral as we all walked into the crematorium! Lady Gaga - Born This Way when they coffin actually went for the cremation and I always think of that moment when I hear that song.




 
My mate posthumously dropped this halfway through the service, fucking destroyed me
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lAVeeuwRiI


Fucking hell!
#26
Innit786
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/25 00:12:52 (permalink)
JUDGEDREDD
Yeah that's a fair point, I have been on the verge but I've also not wanted to rock my boat at all... I've been having quite a happy life for once and I don't need anyone elses problems to mess with that, selfish yes but sometimes we have to be selfish. I hope things don't get too difficult for you, if you need to vent then oddly this place can help imo, look after yourself   


It wouldn't be selfish either way...just use any selfish thought of what you will think once he has gone I guess

And yes, this place and probably others nice to vent.

Bigup guys. (And girl if there is any left lol)
#27
Innit786
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/25 02:19:14 (permalink)
Jungle Dave
That sounds horribly, painfully complex. 
 
I lost one of my best friends in November last year to liver cancer. He was one of the most warm, generous and charismatic people I've ever had the pleasure to have known- he split up with his wife not long after I lost my hearing and I don't think I was of much use to him in the same way he propped me up when I went to shit. 
 
He always drank too much, but functioned incredibly well, I did some volunteering at his workplace once and he was head and shoulders above his peers, such a clever guy. Once he split with his Missus he lived in a shitty little flat so he could continue to give her pretty much all his dough because he doted on his three small children. He went out on the piss last year and had an argument with some local down the boozer about fucking Brexit of all things. The barstaff chucked him out straight into a load of aggro teenagers, he squared up to them and got kicked to bits before someone could rescue him. He nursed aching broken ribs for perhaps six months before he thought it might be worth going to the GP. Turned out to be metastasized cancer of the liver. 46 years old. 
 
You know I don't think I heard him complain once about the cards life dealt him. He never cried in front of me, never moaned, carried on making me and people I introduced him to laugh until he was unconscious in his hospice bed. 
 
I heard "Don't stop me now" by Queen on the radio this morning and it fucking set me off, he had it played when his cofffin went down the conveyor belt to the oven. That's the sense of humour he had! 
 
I'm going to put this here because I really felt the need to eulogise the guy and I couldn't put it on fucking FB. It's been bugging me since he died, like an itch I need to scratch


Good to vent mate. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a friend. Most of my bereavement have been the "expected" ones.he sounded like a good one. Sorry to hear of your loss in both counts. That must have been hard.
#28
Innit786
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/25 02:36:17 (permalink)
https://youtu.be/buP4ZjXjOgA
post edited by Innit786 - 2018/02/25 02:39:35
#29
REDBOY1978
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Re: Hard times 2018/02/25 03:46:00 (permalink)
My dad died once.
#30
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