Helpful ReplyHot!Before someone you loves dies

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RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2017/11/20 13:03:42 (permalink)
smart 24
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See, why can't you lot come up with sensitive and useful advice like "Smart 24"? 


RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2017/11/20 13:28:39 (permalink)
 
 
Yeah Geordie, it's tricky negotiating around the family at this time, I've messaged them but understandably they don't seem all that on the ball at picking up


Geordie007
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2017/11/20 13:32:50 (permalink)
Jungle Dave
smart 24
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See, why can't you lot come up with sensitive and useful advice like "Smart 24"? 


I'm not that smart
 
Jungle Dave
 
 
Yeah Geordie, it's tricky negotiating around the family at this time, I've messaged them but understandably they don't seem all that on the ball at picking up


yeah that's understandable but they do know that your his mate so they should be able to let this happen. I guess patience is all you can do right now
 
S8
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2017/11/20 13:57:25 (permalink)
Sitting chatting with someone when you know they are on their way out is a tough thing to do; sorry to hear you have to go through it (from experience, it blows goats). At least you have the balls to do it, some people bury their heads in the sand in these situations.
 
Make sure you manage to get to say the few things you want to say to them, you'll regret it if you don't. You'll probably have to take the plunge and face an overwhelming amount of emotion to do so. I'd be a bit brutish and turn up on spec to see him, it'll be easier to do that than try and navigate a family that it at the start of the grieving process. 
RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2017/11/20 13:59:41 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby S8 2017/11/20 14:15:45
I'm going to wait until the Missus is back to take the kids then I'm going to steam in (TM).
 
Big up chaps. 


Lrrr
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2017/11/20 14:01:45 (permalink)
Going to visit people in hospices is utterly horrendous, one of my worst nightmares. Hope it goes ok Dave, spend as much time there as you can manage.

SmokedEggs
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2017/11/20 14:06:23 (permalink)
Jungle Dave
I'm going to wait until the Missus is back to take the kids then I'm going to steam in (TM).
 
Big up chaps. 




yeah, do it while you can.
 
a big regret of mine is not seeing one of my mates whilst he was still able to have a lucid conversation. 
 
I made several attempts to go and see him but at the time I still had trouble with my tonsils getting infected constantly and each time I would get a cold or virus and then I couldn't go for fear of infecting him; his immune system couldn't handle it.  He had a rare condition, an inability to fight Epstein Barr Virus which then led to cancer.  He was waiting for a last chance stem cell transplant from his family, but very suddenly took a turn for the worse and then there was no coming back.
 
I finally saw him when he was on his deathbed.  He couldn't hold a proper conversation as he was out of his box on painkillers and god knows what else.  He had a few moments of what seemed like lucidity, and I think he knew it was me there, but couldn't have a proper conversation.
 
It won't be easy but you don't know how long you have left to have that conversation.  Don't let the family put you off.
Lrrr
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2017/11/20 21:09:35 (permalink)
A friend of mine passed away in a freak accident this morning. Poor guy was 26. Life is so shit at times.

LHC
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2017/11/20 21:47:41 (permalink)
 Sorry to hear about your news Lrrr and Dave
 
Lrrr
Life is so shit at times.

Yep 
RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2017/11/21 09:23:00 (permalink)
Lrrr
A friend of mine passed away in a freak accident this morning. Poor guy was 26. Life is so shit at times.



 
Fucking hell, that's terrible.
 
Those sudden ones are hard to process.
 
I think my mate is no longer compos mentis, that's why he got put in the hospice. He spent the last week of his functioning life with his Mum, which is probably the best place for any bloke in that state. 
 
Going to see him this afternoon 


Geordie007
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2017/11/21 09:24:51 (permalink)
Lrrr
A friend of mine passed away in a freak accident this morning. Poor guy was 26. Life is so shit at times.


Sorry to hear that fella.
Geordie007
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/03/26 15:50:18 (permalink)
An interesting concept to highlight the issue
https://twitter.com/i/moments/978208245671170048
RUSSELL CLARTY
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/03/26 16:13:25 (permalink)
geordie007
An interesting concept to highlight the issue
https://twitter.com/i/moments/978208245671170048




 
That is stark, but potent 
 
Sorry to hear of your news Badrid, that must be a horrible shock. 


Rapt
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/03/26 19:26:34 (permalink)
I heard a podcast recently talking about suicide and how we can prevent it. I didn't realise that 20% of all suicides are from pesticide poisoning. 
Innit786
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/13 19:43:59 (permalink)
.
post edited by Innit786 - 2018/06/14 06:31:49
Geordie007
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/15 23:19:53 (permalink)
one of my friends died a couple of weeks ago i couldnt make his funeral or the celebration of his life and its set me back mentally quite a bit as ive faied to be there for my friend.
im at a loss once again about me life as my move up north hasnt yet been the winner i thought it would be and i dont know where to go from here.

fuck life
Cybotron
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 06:02:55 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Arcadian 2018/06/16 08:20:40
geordie007
one of my friends died a couple of weeks ago i couldnt make his funeral or the celebration of his life and its set me back mentally quite a bit as ive faied to be there for my friend.
im at a loss once again about me life as my move up north hasnt yet been the winner i thought it would be and i dont know where to go from here.

fuck life


Mate, you really have taken a battering. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. About not being at his funeral - that really doesn't define who you are - you clearly care about him - just you are going through a challenging phase in your own life. Life can be so cruel but it can be so beautiful too. I hope you are speaking to someone professional mate


Whiskey_Bill
I once knew a creative type that produced some decent D&B 2002-2007. He went on to form a synchro-rock 3 piece band that was fun to watch but was way over most people's heads. I asked him why he stopped producing d&b and he told me that it was music for depressives and that he shook a big monkey off his back when he stopped listening/producing to d&b. At the time, I thought he was full of shit, but the more I go on, I realize that he was right. The music itself is best when extremely emotional (uplifting, wondrous, angry, raw) and the build-up/breakdown patterns mirrors bipolar behaviour and seem to connect deeply with manic-depressive types. Fast percussion is quite hypnotic and many of us may be tapping into a well of emotion that we don't fully understand
 
Not pigeonholing you all, but I have dealt with depression for the last 20 years and it may be an unintended consequence of the extreme highs and lows of the music that most of us still love. Or maybe its the drugs, who knows?
 
Sad to see another soldier down, I feel that unresolved grief is a core issue for many substance abuse issues/suicidal tendencies and encourage anyone that has lost somebody close to fully explore the depths of their feels with either trusted friends or a dedicated professional. Let your at-risk friends know that you are there for them anytime you need and encourage them to seek help as many others here have commented. Group therapy is good for extroverts and CBT is more effective for introverts.
 
I also regret nothing I posted from the Hatchet RIP thread. I'm sure she was a nice lass but unrepentant addicts that leave children with no parent because of self-absorption get zero sympathy from me. I feel fortunate that I had good people around me to help me through the worst of my struggles and kept me from slicing my throat/ jumping off a bridge.
 


I really don't know what to make of this post. I agree and disagree with it in equal measure.

About d&b being a music for depressive types...maybe there is some truth there. My Mrs says the same thing...calls it emotional and angsty. I agree that the music is best when it's emotional.

I understand but disagree where you are coming from with the lack of empathy bit for addicts who leave their kids orphaned. Life is the most precious thing we all have and anyone dying before their time is a tragedy, end of story. I've known a number of people that have died young through drugs and one through suicide and there is one common denominator in all their lives - pain. None of these people were my friends at the time but they get my sympathy. I may not be able to empathise with their particular situation but i know for sure they are loved by others and they didn't want their lives to end - I'm certain that 100% of these bods would not want that to happen if they were of sound mind.

It's common knowledge that for some, drug use / abuse is a form of self medication, the problem is it can easily go out of control and negatively impact your life and make your situation even worse.

I will put it out there that I think social media has a lot to answer to. Facebook, Insta etc all pushing the idea of what perfect is...what life should be like. Bods chasing unecessary dreams that are unattainable without a euro lottery win or undergoing some massive amount of plastic surgery etc. People posting about how great their lives are to their 300+ Facebook "friends" when there are others who are living a hand to mouth existence or have been denied access to their kids - or can't even have kids etc etc. I'm guilty for some of these which is why I deleted my fb account.

From personal experience 2017 was very good to me and so at the end of the year when I was on a high, I told all those around me what was up....that I was starting to self medicate too regularly and I needed to sort it out because I could see that it had the potential to consume and destroy me. It was interesting what people's reactions were like, even those closest to me. It freaked most people out and my mrs, mum and dad didn't want to accept it - they just wanted me to be normal. Since then I have fallen out with my parents and sister because i attribute much of how I was feeling to them, but conversely my relationship with the mrs has improved significantly. I do still love the occasional blow out so probably get amongst it once every 2 or 3 months - which is much better than once or twice a week.

This thread is quite eye opening as it shows that people who dont even know you care about your wellbeing.

As others have said you have to talk to others about your feelings. If you have these negative feelings and bottle them up maybe you should talk to someone when you are feeling good about something - it might break the seal and make it easier for when it's critical.

Big up Geordie, JD and others for sharing your struggles. Seems like you guys are not alone.
Nakoma
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 09:11:19 (permalink)
OK been meaning to weigh in on this for a while. The problem is not drum and bass, drugs, alcohol or the place you live. Hundreds of thousands of people use these things responsibly and enjoy them without negative consequences. People live in shit little towns perfectly content with their mundane lives lives, semi detached house and 2.4 children. So what is the common denominator? You. The problem is within you and unless that changes no amount of changing the external people, places and things will ever fix you.
Cybotron
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 10:30:42 (permalink)
Nakoma
OK been meaning to weigh in on this for a while. The problem is not drum and bass, drugs, alcohol or the place you live. Hundreds of thousands of people use these things responsibly and enjoy them without negative consequences. People live in shit little towns perfectly content with their mundane lives lives, semi detached house and 2.4 children. So what is the common denominator? You. The problem is within you and unless that changes no amount of changing the external people, places and things will ever fix you.



A good point you've made there however do you not think that drugs and booze could exacerbate the problem?
Daniel Snakeman
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 10:46:48 (permalink)
Drink and drugs act as barriers between you and your own consciousness. You can't do the work of examining what the fuck is actually making you feel a certain way if you are hiding. Being high and drunk are amazing ways of hiding. Being sober and looking yourself in the eye is a terrifying experience the first few times you do it, you're incredibly vulnerable without any of your crutches around to lean on.
Cybotron
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 11:06:25 (permalink)
Snakey
Drink and drugs act as barriers between you and your own consciousness. You can't do the work of examining what the fuck is actually making you feel a certain way if you are hiding. Being high and drunk are amazing ways of hiding. Being sober and looking yourself in the eye is a terrifying experience the first few times you do it, you're incredibly vulnerable without any of your crutches around to lean on.




True that.
 
A lot of people can lead perfectly "normal" lives after some trauma however if they medicate with drink and drugs to excess, it can make them intolerable to others and so isolates them, making whatever problem that was before much worse.  Lose the trust of their friends / partners / kids etc so they have no safety net / no one looking out for them.
 
I agree that you need to understand yourself and where the pain come froms - then develop coping strategies to deal with it.  
 
 
 
 
Rapt
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 15:53:07 (permalink)
Nakoma hit the nail on the head, you can't solve your deeply ingrained problems through geographical change as your problems are within you. I do believe that getting on top of your physical health and nutrition is fundamental to repairing your mental health. No amount of spiritual self help is going to fix you if there are issues stopping your brain and body functioning correctly on a cellular level. I'm pretty certain that poor lifestyle choices are responsible for the rise in mental health problems, there's only so much you can blame on genetics.  
post edited by Rapt - 2018/06/16 20:14:00
SmokedEggs
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 19:32:20 (permalink)
Rapt

I'm pretty certain that poor lifestyle choices are responsible for the rise in mental health problems, there's only so much you can blame on genetics.  


I agree partly about lifestyle. But for people with a genetic disposition to a mental health problem, you can blame a lot on genetics. Just like someone with a genetic predisposition to arthritis.

I think there is a huge amount of pressure of expectation on our generation that arguably our (mostly) working class parents didn't have. Growing up in the 60s and 70s ordinary folk weren't expected to amount to much more than getting a solid job and starting a family.

Our generation has the idea that we should aspire to be successful in so many ways and to be so many things and a lot of it is unattainable for many folk.

Living a simple life, being true to your family and friends, and not being a cunt is a good starting point, but our generation has so many aspirations and ideals rammed down our necks as to constantly make people feel inadequate or that they have failed in life.
Geordie007
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 21:19:37 (permalink)
ive tried to read the posts made since mine but i just cant seriously deal with life right now.
i have moved here cos i wanted to run away yet ita made things worse for me. im drinking like a cunt right now and im doing shit work which im happy to do for the wage bit no matter what i say to my self my counsellor or even a pshycatrist(sp) the other day im stuck in a loop of being good and then making sure ill be dead before im 45.

i miss my ex far to much to be healthy as thats all i think of..

i dont know anymore i properly do.not.fucking.know.any more.

yet i used to before they changed what it was
Nakoma
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 21:44:36 (permalink)
Cybotron
Nakoma
OK been meaning to weigh in on this for a while. The problem is not drum and bass, drugs, alcohol or the place you live. Hundreds of thousands of people use these things responsibly and enjoy them without negative consequences. People live in shit little towns perfectly content with their mundane lives lives, semi detached house and 2.4 children. So what is the common denominator? You. The problem is within you and unless that changes no amount of changing the external people, places and things will ever fix you.



A good point you've made there however do you not think that drugs and booze could exacerbate the problem?


No doubt drugs and alcohol only make things worse and exacerbate problems with the consequences of using. It certainly won't solve anything and allow you to lead a free content life. Using only serving as a flitting brief temporary synthetic relief to the anguish. The viscous cycle of more until the relief is so small and self medication effects diminish with increased tolerance.
post edited by Nakoma - 2018/06/16 22:01:42
JUDGEDREDD
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 21:47:21 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Subsurface 2018/06/16 22:49:12
Exercise, being with friends and actually doing stuff is doing wonders for my wellbeing at the moment, I recommend it Geordie, hopefully it can help you get out of the rut, need to alter your mind a bit to control your thoughts, tell yourself to shut up when you start thinking of her and focus your thoughts in to something more positive in your world. The best cure is finding someone better, fortunately there's always someone better. Try and make a plan of what you want to do, give yourself a few things to look forward to. 
 
I hope you're holding up ok, if you make a few small steps to change your life for the better then it will.
 
Try and knock the drinking as well, I'm doing way more than I should but I'm also being good in other ways so it kinda balances out lol. 
Geordie007
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 22:04:48 (permalink)
i get all that but i think this is the end of me as i dont know what to do nor who to speak to anymore. ...
JUDGEDREDD
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 22:12:13 (permalink)
It's never the end mate, we are blessed that we can start a new if we like. Whilst you're in a negative mode you'll just have a negative outlook, two days from now you might wake up and feel great, if you try and do some of what I've suggested then in time it will help you. It's not an overnight thing but it's worth doing. 
 
Please don't think about doing anything silly, pack the drink away and get a decent nights sleep. 
Subsurface
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 22:48:08 (permalink)
Are you still on the meds Geordie? PM me your Whatsapp if you need to talk to someone who has been through the same shit. Seriously.
SmokedEggs
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Re: Before someone you loves dies 2018/06/16 22:52:45 (permalink)
JUDGEDREDD
It's never the end mate, we are blessed that we can start a new if we like. Whilst you're in a negative mode you'll just have a negative outlook, two days from now you might wake up and feel great, if you try and do some of what I've suggested then in time it will help you. It's not an overnight thing but it's worth doing. 
 
Please don't think about doing anything silly, pack the drink away and get a decent nights sleep. 


This. And you can always pm Geordie. I won't judge. I don't know you but i can sense your anguish. I think you've done remarkably well to keep your shit together based on what you've described having gone through on here. Try and find an outlet where you can build some self importance (not in a purely egotistical sense - but more like self confidence and worth). I'm sure there's countless charities and causes out there that could really benefit from your input.

You no doubt are having a tough time now but it's not terminal. You can build.up a happier future man. You might not feel it right now but you are strong.
post edited by SmokedEggs - 2018/06/16 22:54:51
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