Hot!Daily Mash Appreesh

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_Nearly 50 FFS_
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2013/07/19 13:04:28 (permalink)

Daily Mash Appreesh

Sorry if it's been covered before on here, the site always raise a chuckle - one of today's pages made me think of you lot:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-technology/hardcore-will-never-die-say-scientists-2013071976321
#1

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    frizzyd
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/07/19 13:08:42 (permalink)
    Love the Daily Mash
    #2
    Handsome B Wonderful
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/07/19 13:51:16 (permalink)
    Read it more than the news. It's brilliant

    That hardcode one is one of the best. Also the happiness linked to MDMA use and ravers retirement home ones.
    post edited by Shiverman - 2013/07/19 13:53:56
    #3
    dotarr
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/07/19 13:52:57 (permalink)
    Makes my trudge through the morning bearable.
    #4
    _Nearly 50 FFS_
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    Syzlack_24
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/07/19 15:25:06 (permalink)
    #6
    _Nearly 50 FFS_
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    Oversight
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/07/19 17:20:21 (permalink)
    Love the daily mash, they have been smashing it lately
    #8
    dotarr
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/07/19 17:22:06 (permalink)
    Psychic Bob is a badman as well.
    #9
    Leg Warmer
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/07/19 17:22:11 (permalink)
    not funny
    #10
    Handsome B Wonderful
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    RAYZA
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/07/19 19:48:17 (permalink)
    Happreciated
    #12
    TheBesta
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/07/19 20:31:30 (permalink)

    ORIGINAL: _binar_

    Sorry if it's been covered before on here, the site always raise a chuckle - one of today's pages made me think of you lot:

    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-technology/hardcore-will-never-die-say-scientists-2013071976321

    [sm=biggthumpup.gif]
    #13
    _Nearly 50 FFS_
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    _Nearly 50 FFS_
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    Critical
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/08/08 21:19:04 (permalink)
    #16
    mcvigilante
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/08/08 21:45:10 (permalink)
    First time i hav seen this website , love it !
    #17
    JaZ517
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/08/08 23:14:31 (permalink)
    This article of Wiley having been turned into a cow had me creasing the other week:

    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/celebrity/wiley-turned-into-a-cow-2013072676976
    #18
    RAYZA
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/08/11 01:40:46 (permalink)
    King's Cross transformed into drug-free hellhole


    07-08-13

    THE King’s Cross area of London has been transformed into a ghastly business centre where drugs and dirty sex can no longer be purchased openly.



    Another £2bn down the drain

    After a £2bn revamp, the formerly excellent quarter of the capital is now full of hi-tech office buildings and dreadful human beings who will try to sell you ‘marketing services’ instead of heroin and cock-fun.

    Even the railway station now looks clean and well-ordered, denying passengers the emotional thrill of staring into the skunk-addled face of the person they could so easily have been if they were not already dead inside.

    Mayor Boris Johnson last night insisted this was a good thing.

    He said: “When I got this job I said I wanted to be the mayor of all of London and the easiest way for me to do that is to make all of London exactly the same.

    “God knows I love dirty sex – and one day I may even try smack – but that’s not going to get the business done is it?

    “We must do the business, always.”

    Roy Hobbs, a guy who lives in his shoes and can get you basically anything, said: “That little side street over there used to be known as Backshaft Alley. It was every bit as exciting as it sounds.

    “It now contains a juice bar. Owned by a venture capital firm.

    “So anyway, you were saying you wanted to have rough sex with a completely hairless Welshman?”
    #19
    RAYZA
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/08/11 01:42:57 (permalink)
    A GAY man has said that although Pope-ish acts are bad, a Pope-ish orientation is not.


    In what his friends claim is a softening of his stance on Popes, 38-year-old gay chef Tom Logan claimed he was fine with them as long as they didn’t do any Pope stuff.

    He said: “If a person is a Pope but has good will, who am I to judge them?

    “And it would be even more ridiculous if I were to say that then continue by telling Popes how to behave.

    “After all I am just a bloke, albeit a bloke with a funny hat – a chef’s hat. Actually that does make me a bit special, so listen up.”

    post edited by Razor - 2013/08/11 01:44:04
    #20
    _Nearly 50 FFS_
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/08/11 11:25:38 (permalink)
    Good news for blokes my age:

    Age at which it is socially acceptable to smoke cannabis raised to 52

    It had previously been deemed unacceptable to smoke weed beyond 30, at which point most people stop doing drugs altogether or just have a few self-conscious lines of cocaine at aspirational dinner parties.

    42-year-old pothead Julian Cook said: “This is wonderful news.

    “My wife finds my weed smoking embarrassing. She says it robs me of my ambition, but I’m the senior partner in a mid-sized accountancy firm – how much ambition does she want?

    “It’s just a social conditioning thing, she consumes Merlot like it’s going out of fashion but I can’t have a bifter because we’re ‘not at college now’.

    “She even comes into the spare room when I’m smoking a naughty and opens the windows in a passive-aggressive manner.
    #21
    _Nearly 50 FFS_
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/08/13 16:32:19 (permalink)


    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/north-goes-into-mourning-2013081378441

    'Pie is a staple foodstuff in the North, as the pastry casing leaves the Northerner’s other hand free to hold a glass or form a fist.'
    #22
    Subsurface
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/08/13 16:35:24 (permalink)
    Apreeshiated.
    #23
    Handsome B Wonderful
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/08/13 16:37:05 (permalink)
    All i could think when I saw this was how much I wished it was real
    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/miliband-recruits-the-punisher-2013081378473
    #24
    RAYZA
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/09/06 03:16:53 (permalink)
    Windows 95 buys Nokia 3210

    04-09-13

    GROUNDBREAKING operating system Windows 95 has bought the market-leading Nokia 3210 to create a technological juggernaut.
    Sleek
    A meeting of titans
    The twin giants of modern new-fangledness will dominate the field of beeping devices for decades with their stranglehold on the new fields of email and texting.

    Technology expert Julian Cook said: “If you think that these state-of-the-art mobile phones don’t have a place in your life, then you’ve never received a picture – an actual pixel image – of a birthday cake on your Nokia 3210.

    “Or used Windows 95 to email a question to the Usenet Oracle and received an answer – within just 24 hours.

    “BOOM! That sound was your mind, being blown.

    “And if that doesn’t impress you, just turn that Nokia around in your hand until you find the aerial. Can’t see it? It’s on the inside, my friend. The future’s here, and it is totally awesome.”

    Self-confessed gadget freak Carolyn Ryan said: “If I’m not playing Solitaire on my customisable Windows 95 desktop, I’m playing Snake on my customisable Nokia 3210. Together, these two can transform our entire world.

    “Though their merged theme tune, bom-bom-bom-BOM-biddle-dee-biddle-dee-biddle-dee-dah-DAH, is an abomination.”

    Meanwhile, Hollywood is already developing a film about a dystopian future ruled by MicroNokia where Windows has been shambolically adapted for touchscreens and phones are too gigantic to fit in a human hand.
    #25
    RAYZA
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/09/06 03:23:46 (permalink)
    THE reason dropped toast always lands on the buttered side is that everything is shit, according to scientists.

    Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “After dropping 2,000 pieces of buttery toast and seeing every one result in a sticky mess, we concluded that the universe is just an evil place.

    “You may have noticed how if anything can fuck up, it generally does.

    “In essence, it’s not really worth trying to do anything – work, relationships or even a hobby – because it will all fail miserably.”
    #26
    lennybogart
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/09/09 17:09:31 (permalink)
    Mention of 'Miranda' triggers brief interest in Guardian story

    BRITONS have been disappointed to discover the Guardian’s ‘Miranda story’ is not about their favourite comedian.

    47-year-old Mary Fisher said: “I thought perhaps the government had banned amiable antics-based comedy.

    “Also I wanted to read more about the woman behind the pratfalls.

    “Turns out it’s a story about computer files. What a waste of time.

    “I hate misleading headlines, there should be a law against them, or at least a way of detaining the perpetrators indefinitely.”
    #27
    gavinx
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/09/09 17:18:37 (permalink)
    this was on the money today-
    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/politics-headlines/yes-i-suppose-i-am-a-bit-like-jesus-admits-huhne-2013090979237

    always makes me laugh when i read something in the papers and think 'i know the DM are gonna have a field-day with this one!' chris huhne's utter shit in the guardian today was one such occasion
    #28
    dotarr
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/09/25 09:32:58 (permalink)
    #29
    gutlessrhyme
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    RE: Daily Mash Appreesh 2013/09/25 11:19:43 (permalink)

    “There will be stalls. We don’t know what they’ll be selling but everything will be a tenner.”
    #30
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