Helpful ReplyHot!Fucking Up

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Stone Snake
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/20 21:33:37 (permalink)
What is squirting? Is that where a girl pisses on you because you're no good in bed?
Mr Sketch
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/20 21:42:13 (permalink)
Managed to lose a Kango, transformer and accessories we'd hired from Hire station all because I accidently choose the wrong type of purchase order.

We should of only been charged a week but they charged us for 3 months before anyone realised then had to declare it lost as it hadnt been arranged to be collected and got stolen.

Cost my firm about £4k. Luckily the lady does the accounts got the blame as she paid the invoice 3 months running before realising.


http://www.house-mixes.com/artists/Mr_Sketch
Elbow Thermometer
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/20 22:04:57 (permalink)
One year into my first job. I was writing a headline for one of our district papers. It concerned the case of a group of lads who'd burst into a grannies house and beat her to a pulp. She lived but only in an abstract sense of the word. At the time they were caught
The ringleader was below the age we could name them. This particular story was about how he'd now become an adult in the eyes of the law. This, my headline was:

'Ada attacker, aged 18, named'

The only problem with that headline was that he hadn't gone to court yet.



Fuuuuuck. My boss was the revise sub (the one checking my work) so obviously this wasn't her fault. The company got fined 15k, £250 more than I was paid a year. My career entered a downward trajectory from there. Within a year I left before I was pushed, my liver ruined, my career severely wounded and my tail between my legs.
Fools Errand
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 03:49:24 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Mr Sketch

Managed to lose a Kango, transformer and accessories we'd hired from Hire station all because I accidently choose the wrong type of purchase order.

We should of only been charged a week but they charged us for 3 months before anyone realised then had to declare it lost as it hadnt been arranged to be collected and got stolen.

Cost my firm about £4k. Luckily the lady does the accounts got the blame as she paid the invoice 3 months running before realising.


CustardChucker
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 11:19:46 (permalink)
Just got caught pissing in an alleyway and a policeman pulled up right next to me and gave me a court summons a minor fuck up but a fuck up all the same
Patterman
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 11:36:15 (permalink)
I lost over 20 grand betting on football. I'll be 50 something by the time I pay it off.
Skywatch
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 11:50:26 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Patterman

I lost over 20 grand betting on football. I'll be 50 something by the time I pay it off.


Wtf?! How did that happen?! Fuck me, I got annoyed at losing 30 quid last week but 20k! Fuccccckkkk
Willfunk
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 11:52:01 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Patterman

I lost over 20 grand betting on football. I'll be 50 something by the time I pay it off.


LOL
Skywatch
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 11:58:08 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Stone Snake

What is squirting? Is that where a girl pisses on you because you're no good in bed?


Has this happened to you before then buddy? Please say yes.
Majik
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 13:14:29 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Patterman

I lost over 20 grand betting on football. I'll be 50 something by the time I pay it off.


Lol hero business.

Getting chinged up and putting bets on I bet?


Tommy the Coat
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 13:20:36 (permalink)
Doing nose in the bookies is a serious self par. It will rarely end well.


casework dan
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 13:26:44 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Majik

ORIGINAL: Patterman

I lost over 20 grand betting on football. I'll be 50 something by the time I pay it off.


Lol hero business.

Getting chinged up and putting bets on I bet?


You're on. Shall we say, 20 grand?
post edited by casework dan - 2013/04/21 13:28:32
Patterman
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 13:55:49 (permalink)
Na, it was a strange few months of my life on self destruct. I don't even like betting. Before I lost I won 16k and didn't even get a buzz from it.
tw@
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 21:37:11 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: danlej2

did anyone squirt though?!?!


Nah man. I didnt even bust my nut in the end
Fools Errand
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 21:55:49 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: willfunk

ORIGINAL: Patterman

I lost over 20 grand betting on football. I'll be 50 something by the time I pay it off.


LOL



lol gutted
Jimmy2Shoes
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 21:58:39 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Miss SD

Yodel



Faaarrrkkk. Glad everything ended up okay

My worst fuck up was working at David Sullivans (part West Ham owner's) house.

I had to survey the grounds for wireless signal which meant going everywhere around the estate and this place had everything. 2 pools, cinema, bowling aley bar etc.etc. so I was being led around by one if his staff and got to his bedroom, opened the door and it was pitch black so I fumbled around for the light switch but pushed his bloody panic alarm.

The whole place went nuts and all the staff were running around in circles shifting themselves because he was due back soon and I was told rather sharply he would kick off. Turns out they had to wait for the police to turn up as the alarm was designed so you couldn't turn it off. I got out of there not long after so only had to put up with him having a go at me on the phone
post edited by Jimmy2Shoes - 2013/04/21 22:01:01
Mighty Wighty
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/04/21 22:19:32 (permalink)
You sure it was his bedroom, you probably stumbled upon his s&m room and triggered the alarm.
nnefarious
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/11/29 13:28:58 (permalink)
There's a local pub with scaffolding up outside. The pub itself is on the 1st floor with the scaff platform at window level. My favourite jape was to climb up and knock on the window, generally shocking/amusing my friends inside. After a heady session I go to repeat my usual antics, grab a fixing when climbing down, it spins loose and I deck it from 4-5m and break my kneecap.

Managed to get home on the night, limping and then with a bit of help from a mate. Woke up at 7.30 in the morning realising I very much had to call an ambulance. Had to throw my keys out the window as I live upstairs and couldn't get to the door to let the paramedics in.

The fixing that I fell off is still visible, pointing down rather than up - a grim reminder every time I go past.

Missed 8 weeks of work, no sick pay because I'm self employed and I didn't have the spare cash for insurance (a broker even came round work only a few weeks before hand).

All in all, my biggest fuck up of late.


Slightly cheerier - avoided a bollocking for adding "sponsored by nasa" to a note saying "Keep door locked, art in space" when the curator came round with the artist and went mad over it. Everyone just denied knowing who did it.
Izzz
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/11/29 15:10:30 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: nnefarious

There's a local pub with scaffolding up outside. The pub itself is on the 1st floor with the scaff platform at window level. My favourite jape was to climb up and knock on the window, generally shocking/amusing my friends inside. After a heady session I go to repeat my usual antics, grab a fixing when climbing down, it spins loose and I deck it from 4-5m and break my kneecap.

Managed to get home on the night, limping and then with a bit of help from a mate. Woke up at 7.30 in the morning realising I very much had to call an ambulance. Had to throw my keys out the window as I live upstairs and couldn't get to the door to let the paramedics in.

The fixing that I fell off is still visible, pointing down rather than up - a grim reminder every time I go past.

Missed 8 weeks of work, no sick pay because I'm self employed and I didn't have the spare cash for insurance (a broker even came round work only a few weeks before hand).

All in all, my biggest fuck up of late.


Slightly cheerier - avoided a bollocking for adding "sponsored by nasa" to a note saying "Keep door locked, art in space" when the curator came round with the artist and went mad over it. Everyone just denied knowing who did it.


Reading that instantly made me remember this ad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7F5o3NSHMoM
nnefarious
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/11/29 15:16:29 (permalink)
The phrase "Aye, just like the advert." has been on rotation for a while now.
Predator
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/11/29 15:16:34 (permalink)
I got home around 12 after an all nighter up in London, and thought it would be real bless to have a bath before crashing out in bed. So I started it running, sat on my bed and kinda passed out. The resulting flood destroyed the carpets in two rooms, all the plaster in the utility room ceiling below, and pretty much everything else it touched. Given that this was at my mums place, people were not best pleased. Expensive mistake!!


Its mr nasty time!
smegma5000
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/11/29 15:43:01 (permalink)
I was playing in a little league baseball game many years ago in my youth, and mid-game I suddenly had to take a massive shit. It was like one of those ones where you gotta walk funny so you don't shit your pants. I hobbled over to the toilet hut a couple fields away and darted into the door and sat on the one toilet, which didn't have a stall door. Mid-shit the bathroom door flies open and this girl is there just staring at me like wtf? Then she starts yelling "oh my god, this is the GIRLS bathroom, what the hell?" My face reddened right up and I tried to explain it was a mistake, but by that time this girl was not only screaming at me but calling about a dozen people to come over and take a look. So there's a group of people standing there in the open door watching me wipe my ass while this girl is flipping the hell out, so I hurry out with a half-wiped ass thinking she might still be full of shit, but nope, sure enough, on the side of the shithut the "mens" and "womens" are clearly posted on the side of the building facing the bleachers and concessions but not on the side you can see if you are coming through the adjacent outfield. Had a red face and poorly aligned boxers for the rest of the game. Fortunately I was on the bench for the rest of it because I was fat and slow anyways. Word got around pretty quick and my dad in all his wisdom was just like "make sure you look for a urinal in a public restroom before you take a shit next time". Now after all my traveling experience I could just say, "hey buddy, chicks can use urinals, the just gotta put a foot up on the wall".
NEGUS
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/11/29 16:04:47 (permalink)
Stepped into a situation which was about to get punchy last weekend.

Grabbed some guy ,who was about to lay into my friend, by the throat and threw him about bit to change his mind. In the ensuing struggle my hamstring popped. Obviously I couldn't let on what happened so had to carry on and pinned him up against a wall until things calmed down.

no blood was spilt so that was a good result, but I'm now left with a torn hamstring and a massive bruise from my arse to my knee which is a bit fucked up.

[
Willfunk
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/11/29 16:29:00 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: smegma5000

I was playing in a little league baseball game many years ago in my youth, and mid-game I suddenly had to take a massive shit. It was like one of those ones where you gotta walk funny so you don't shit your pants. I hobbled over to the toilet hut a couple fields away and darted into the door and sat on the one toilet, which didn't have a stall door. Mid-shit the bathroom door flies open and this girl is there just staring at me like wtf? Then she starts yelling "oh my god, this is the GIRLS bathroom, what the hell?" My face reddened right up and I tried to explain it was a mistake, but by that time this girl was not only screaming at me but calling about a dozen people to come over and take a look. So there's a group of people standing there in the open door watching me wipe my ass while this girl is flipping the hell out, so I hurry out with a half-wiped ass thinking she might still be full of shit, but nope, sure enough, on the side of the shithut the "mens" and "womens" are clearly posted on the side of the building facing the bleachers and concessions but not on the side you can see if you are coming through the adjacent outfield. Had a red face and poorly aligned boxers for the rest of the game. Fortunately I was on the bench for the rest of it because I was fat and slow anyways. Word got around pretty quick and my dad in all his wisdom was just like "make sure you look for a urinal in a public restroom before you take a shit next time". Now after all my traveling experience I could just say, "hey buddy, chicks can use urinals, the just gotta put a foot up on the wall".


Couldn't read this
gavinx
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/11/29 16:38:26 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Patterman

I lost over 20 grand betting on football. I'll be 50 something by the time I pay it off.


fuck man that's bad...

my ex-girlfriend was very briefly married to this guy who lost 25k of her parents' money spread-betting, after they'd given it to them as a couple to buy their first house together. pretty big look.
smegma5000
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/11/29 17:16:37 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby PapaJaro 2017/04/17 04:38:50

ORIGINAL: willfunk


Couldn't read this


Oh, here ya go then:

I was playing in a little league baseball game many years ago in my youth, and mid-game I suddenly had to take a massive shit. It was like one of those ones where you gotta walk funny so you don't shit your pants. I hobbled over to the toilet hut a couple fields away and darted into the door and sat on the one toilet, which didn't have a stall door. Mid-shit the bathroom door flies open and this girl is there just staring at me like wtf? Then she starts yelling "oh my god, this is the GIRLS bathroom, what the hell?" My face reddened right up and I tried to explain it was a mistake, but by that time this girl was not only screaming at me but calling about a dozen people to come over and take a look. So there's a group of people standing there in the open door watching me wipe my ass while this girl is flipping the hell out, so I hurry out with a half-wiped ass thinking she might still be full of shit, but nope, sure enough, on the side of the shithut the "mens" and "womens" are clearly posted on the side of the building facing the bleachers and concessions but not on the side you can see if you are coming through the adjacent outfield. Had a red face and poorly aligned boxers for the rest of the game. Fortunately I was on the bench for the rest of it because I was fat and slow anyways. Word got around pretty quick and my dad in all his wisdom was just like "make sure you look for a urinal in a public restroom before you take a shit next time". Now after all my traveling experience I could just say, "hey buddy, chicks can use urinals, the just gotta put a foot up on the wall".
Capitol P..
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RE: Fucking Up 2013/11/29 17:24:50 (permalink)
Customer sent in a carton design with a gap in the hanging hole. I thought it was a mistake and closed it up. We designed the tooling and sent it to our customer, with which he ran 1 million sheets and sent it to Japan. Turns out the gap was meant to be there. Cost my company £10, 000.
Rudiger01
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Re: RE: Fucking Up 2017/04/16 22:03:06 (permalink)
BUMPAGE
 
When I was a yoot, I worked on a milkround. On my first day driving the float, I managed to go up a steep kerb and all the crates fell off and in my shock I then rammed the float into a wall (at 4mph)
 
More recently I had to pick up a minibus for work. I was sat in a queue in some yard after picking it up with all these other drivers dawlding at the gate yacking away. Got pissed off waiting and pulled out and raced down the line and out of the gate. At the last second I realised it was an automatic gate which was shutting. It shredded the side of the bus and ripped off the back bumper. I pulled up to about 20 drivers all laughing at me so I just drove off without the bumper which I had to go back for later on in my own car. Few weeks later I was driving the minibus down a tight country lane and some dickhead coming past me made me have to swerve into a ditch not to hit him and the wing mirror got ripped off. Weirdly enough, Ive never drove the bus since.
DNBADMAN
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Re: RE: Fucking Up 2017/04/16 23:46:24 (permalink)
Zint
ORIGINAL: Autograff

Had to send an email to the Jewish society at Uni, and the system we use will automatically add the names of the people we are emailing from their account. Didn't realise until after I sent it that the email started with:

Dear Jew


thats good.


😂
Rapt
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Re: RE: Fucking Up 2017/04/17 16:06:11 (permalink)
simon.r
ORIGINAL: Travs

Reversed one company car into a fence, ripping the bumper off.

On a later occasion I wrote off the same car.

Also forgot to off-hire a welder from one of my contracts, eventually costing the company about 3 grand (although nobody found out about this).

Lol so rather than paying him off at the end of the work he shut up and kept getting paid? Nice work if you can get it.

That is amazing!
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