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Housemates - 2/2/2013 8:42:23 PM   
Raps
 

Status: offline
This is the housemate thread.

I just moved into a new place and I've got the girls munching my fucking munch. fuck dat, nom sayin?

omg 2012 coming to the forum to ask for advice, is this real life? Yes niggaz, hush them gums and offer constructive thoughts and ideas yeah, safe blad :D

Best to just ignore it and pass it off as just some bread and bananas or to tell them politely or not so that that aint how i get down and the next time I will have their head in a bag?
Post #: 1
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 8:45:10 PM   
The Rat
continues to prosper
 

Status: offline
Say something. That is cheeky as fuck
It's 2013 also
Post #: 2
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 8:52:00 PM   
Rapt
 

Status: offline
Have you moved in with people you didn't previously know or are they mates?
Post #: 3
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 8:52:20 PM   
CustardChucker
 

Status: offline
Spike your food with LSD like Domino (i think) did at his workplace
Post #: 4
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 8:52:54 PM   
BrockLessChompster
 

Status: offline
serve up some knuckle samiches and a side of hard cock
Post #: 5
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 8:53:32 PM   
The Rat
continues to prosper
 

Status: offline
MY housemate, who is also a mate from school went abroad on the 4th December and still hasn't returned. He was only meant to go for 3 weeks
Post #: 6
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 8:55:43 PM   
SusanBoyle
 

Status: offline
put a picture on some milk cartons
Post #: 7
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 8:56:52 PM   
Temp0
 

Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: The Rat

MY housemate, who is also a mate from school went abroad on the 4th December and still hasn't returned. He was only meant to go for 3 weeks



I'd quite like to do this
Post #: 8
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 8:59:07 PM   
Smokey McPot
Dingos Ate My Sammich
 

Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Temp0

quote:

ORIGINAL: The Rat

MY housemate, who is also a mate from school went abroad on the 4th December and still hasn't returned. He was only meant to go for 3 weeks



I'd quite like to do this


What, become an international missing person?


I'm sure that can be arranged
Post #: 9
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 9:00:36 PM   
The Rat
continues to prosper
 

Status: offline
He's not missing lol
Flat is lonley at times though so feel free to come over
Post #: 10
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 9:05:54 PM   
SusanBoyle
 

Status: offline
up 4 sum fun rat? tb x
Post #: 11
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 9:06:54 PM   
Johnny Quest
 

Status: offline
Last house mate was some Alaskan dude who had only 3 shirts and a big beard.

When the new housemate came in and checked out the room there was a funny smell. Turns out the ex hadn't washed the sheets for the whole duration of his 2 month stay. We're in the tropics so it fucking stunk. Same guy also had the constant shits and never produced a solid stool. Mucky tramp.
Post #: 12
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 9:11:01 PM   
The Rat
continues to prosper
 

Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanBoyle

up 4 sum fun rat? tb x

CUM round ASAP babes xxxx
Post #: 13
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 9:15:25 PM   
Temp0
 

Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smokey McPot

quote:

ORIGINAL: Temp0

quote:

ORIGINAL: The Rat

MY housemate, who is also a mate from school went abroad on the 4th December and still hasn't returned. He was only meant to go for 3 weeks



I'd quite like to do this


What, become an international missing person?


I'm sure that can be arranged


Can you arrange please babe x








I meant more the going abroad and not coming back part
Post #: 14
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 9:35:30 PM   
DJ_MEDIC
 

Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RunUp

Be polite about it. Say you're not used to people going through your stuff. I wouldn't ignore it. Needs to be said.


serious answer! shock horror



quote:

ORIGINAL: RunUp

Also, get some lactulose solution and mix it up on their orange juice.



thats more like it
Post #: 15
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 10:19:32 PM   
DJ_MEDIC
 

Status: offline
that really rustled my jimmies. You must be unwell or something...

When i was at Uni Halls, my flatmate hid a sharp knife into loaf of sliced bread so the offender would cut their hands open whenever they went into the packet. He also told me he wanks whilst sitting upside down on the sofa so he can cum on his face.
Post #: 16
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 10:19:55 PM   
Raps
 

Status: offline
lol cheers, reckon I'll go with what runup said and hopefully the jimmies remain unrustled. rat is bang on as well, 2013,fucking up a meme... FML and yolo not even once.
Post #: 17
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 10:35:10 PM   
Johnny Quest
 

Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DJ_MEDIC

that really rustled my jimmies. You must be unwell or something...

When i was at Uni Halls, my flatmate hid a sharp knife into loaf of sliced bread so the offender would cut their hands open whenever they went into the packet. He also told me he wanks whilst sitting upside down on the sofa so he can cum on his face.

Getting their blood all over his bread ew.
Post #: 18
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 11:03:08 PM   
Duderonomy
 

Status: offline
Housemates past:


The reformed junkie. Excellent guy, gutted he left actually, but while he was here he would have the occasional *lapse*. Probably best thing for him was moving out. Could do rubik's cube in a couple of minutes, works in computers doing maths stuff.

The gay ket addict from Zimbabwe. Unemployed.

Night-shift guy. Moaned about noise during the day, pissed on the toilet seat and never cleaned up. Dude was 40-ish. Pain in the butt.

The sniff-dealer. Has two kids by his long-term gf, but regularly cheats on her, for some reason she took him back. Unemployed.

The Porn Dwarf. Alcoholic, good with I.T., great bloke when he's sober, but prone to 4 day benders blaring terrible 80s music all hours. Fuck I wish youtube had never been invented some times. Unemployed.

The gambler. When he was a teenager, he spent six months or something sulking and not moving - his legs look like he had polio. Unemployed, but he gambles like it's his profession - goes down to Bristol 3 times a week to play high stakes poker. Had a row with the landlord though and moved out after barely a week.

The survivors:

The paranoid schitzophrenic. Only manages to stay in the house for a couple of days before his inability to do basic things (like feeding himself) mean that he goes back to his mum's (he's 35, unemployed). Absences of two weeks are not unusual, so in this respect he's a great housemate!

The landlord. Unemployed alcoholic, 6, 7, 8 day benders are not beyond him. His behavior when he's drunk is one of the biggest problems in the house. I've known him since school, so on nights when he's lying on he sofa in a drunken stupor screaming his head off, I will fill up a bucket of water, walk downstairs, and calmly pour bucket of water over him, and then return to bed in an attempt to sleep.
Post #: 19
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 11:20:06 PM   
Whowhere
 

Status: offline
if that's not exaggeration, you got a raw fucking deal. def .
Post #: 20
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 11:36:58 PM   
Duderonomy
 

Status: offline
It's cheap.
Me and my then gf of 9 years took out a 10 grand loan together. In my name. I'm paying £300 a month on that, and it'll be done by August and then I'll be out of here.
If you think people pinching your bread is out of order, bwahahahaaa, I've got stories that'll make your toes curl.
They'll make a good book some day.
Post #: 21
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 11:37:34 PM   
Autograff
 

Status: offline
I got it easy really, flatmate is a friend from school and we both clean/cook etc..
Post #: 22
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 11:41:03 PM   
3030
 

Status: offline
Begs the question why the fuck haven't you moved out yet?
Post #: 23
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 11:45:03 PM   
Duderonomy
 

Status: offline
Because I'm paying £300 a month on a loan before any bills, taxes, food, spending money etc. Also paying into a pension, like my foreign holidays, and buying records.
When I moved in, I had calculated how long it would take to pay the loan, and told myself, c'mon, 2 years - it'll fly by. And how can bad can this house be? If I knew beforehand, I might've considered my mum's. But fuck it, the end is in sight.
Post #: 24
RE: Housemates - 2/2/2013 11:46:57 PM   
3030
 

Status: offline
I hadn't seen your previous post when I posted that, keep hustlin' cuz.
Post #: 25
RE: Housemates - 3/2/2013 12:04:02 AM   
Raps
 

Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RunUp

quote:

ORIGINAL: Raps

lol cheers, reckon I'll go with what runup said and hopefully the jimmies remain unrustled. rat is bang on as well, 2013,fucking up a meme... FML and yolo not even once.






I'm actually really happy there are other people on this board who share this stupid internet humour.



It fucking creases me up each and every time lol
Post #: 26
RE: Housemates - 3/2/2013 12:06:48 AM   
Raps
 

Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Duderonomy

Housemates past:


The reformed junkie. Excellent guy, gutted he left actually, but while he was here he would have the occasional *lapse*. Probably best thing for him was moving out. Could do rubik's cube in a couple of minutes, works in computers doing maths stuff.

The gay ket addict from Zimbabwe. Unemployed.

Night-shift guy. Moaned about noise during the day, pissed on the toilet seat and never cleaned up. Dude was 40-ish. Pain in the butt.

The sniff-dealer. Has two kids by his long-term gf, but regularly cheats on her, for some reason she took him back. Unemployed.

The Porn Dwarf. Alcoholic, good with I.T., great bloke when he's sober, but prone to 4 day benders blaring terrible 80s music all hours. Fuck I wish youtube had never been invented some times. Unemployed.

The gambler. When he was a teenager, he spent six months or something sulking and not moving - his legs look like he had polio. Unemployed, but he gambles like it's his profession - goes down to Bristol 3 times a week to play high stakes poker. Had a row with the landlord though and moved out after barely a week.

The survivors:

The paranoid schitzophrenic. Only manages to stay in the house for a couple of days before his inability to do basic things (like feeding himself) mean that he goes back to his mum's (he's 35, unemployed). Absences of two weeks are not unusual, so in this respect he's a great housemate!

The landlord. Unemployed alcoholic, 6, 7, 8 day benders are not beyond him. His behavior when he's drunk is one of the biggest problems in the house. I've known him since school, so on nights when he's lying on he sofa in a drunken stupor screaming his head off, I will fill up a bucket of water, walk downstairs, and calmly pour bucket of water over him, and then return to bed in an attempt to sleep.


lmfao that was excellent, bravo old chap! More for fucks sake, spew some more shit like this from other areas of your life man, I was furious till i read that and now im feeling bit better
Post #: 27
RE: Housemates - 3/2/2013 12:08:20 AM   
Duderonomy
 

Status: offline
OK, so one night, a bunch of people start turning up at the house. People I know, but they're mainly friends of the Sniff Dealer and the Landlord. Reform Junkie was still living in the house too. At this point the house still didn't have any curtains in the front room (it was over a year later when me & Porn Dwarf broke down and put some up ourselves after we gave up on 'reminding' the landlord to do it), but I knew something dodgy was going down when the Landlord got a bed sheet and pegged it up over the window - this was usually a sign that Sniff Dealer was going to start weighing and measuring in the front room. He also sold weed. He had 3 suitcases full of weed up in the loft, and when Sniff Dealer showed me, I told him that it was more weed than I'd ever seen in one place. It was just like a film looking at these vacuum packed bundles. On top of the sudden need for privacy, the guys who turned up all looked a bit sheepish. This was a work night, and I figured they were just going to have a mammoth coke session, so I went upstairs thinking if I turned in early I might sleep through the worst of their excesses. It wasn't to be. Throughout the night there was mad shouting, banging, loud music, and people pounding up and down the uncarpeted, raw floorboard stair case.

In the morning, pissed-off at a shit night's sleep, I go downstairs. Somebody's fuck-off christmas tree is in our hallway... just like it had been dragged in off the street, and left lying there totally blocking access to the front room and the kitchen. I climb over that and an armchair is on it's side in front of the kitchen. I walk into the front room, and everybody must have left in the wee hours. Furniture is turned over, empty cider bottles and beer cans everywhere. I see a weird lump on the floor, and pick it up. I realise it's a mouthful of spinach - MY fresh babyleaf spinach - that somebody has chewed up and spat out. There are more of these spitballs and my satsumas have been thrown around. And there are converted coke-can crack pipes all around the room. I later find out that Reform Junkie had scored some crack, told Sniff Dealer & the Landlord, they invited a bunch of friends, and they all had a naughty crack session, a food fight, and somebody decided it would be mental to go and steal a christmas tree from a front garden.
Post #: 28
RE: Housemates - 3/2/2013 12:12:54 AM   
Horsey Boy
When was this?
 

Status: offline
my worst one was crazy alex

nice guy, until he even so much as smelt a beer, at which point his eys started swivelling independently and he would start on anyone and eveyone including entire packs of bouncers (he was about 5 foot nothing)

this culminated on one night where he nicked someones very authentic-looking bbgun and went and held up the kebab shop opposite after being kicked out, resulting in the street being invaded by the tactical firearms unit
Post #: 29
RE: Housemates - 3/2/2013 12:17:21 AM   
Postman Pat
 

Status: offline
Post #: 30
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