Helpful ReplyHot!Plutonium-grade tramp lager

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Doc Holloway
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2012/09/15 01:54:53 (permalink)

Plutonium-grade tramp lager

I'll always doff my cap to a man who doesn't shy away from a good robust can of 9% shit. I enjoy a decent expensive bottle of XO as much as the next man, but I don't fuck about down the offy when there's serious boozing to be done.

As people seem to rock up round my gaff most weekends after the local establishments have kicked everyone out, I've started filling the fridge with pure tramp lager for late-night consumption. It's cost effective, and no-one goes home sober.

Much like a complex pinot, there is, of course, a variety for every occasion;


- Spesh: Notting Hill Carnival fare only these days, purely for tradition. Priced itself out of the lower-tier market, I've seen cans on sale for £2+, daylight robbery. The original market leader though and must be respected as a true visionary product. "Like beer? Like getting drunk? Well check out this handy time-saving device, you revolting, destitute cunt!"

- Super T: Turns you into an invincible hurricane of unstoppable, raw might. Watch the dosage though, 5 cans+ is edging into very murky waters indeed and severe personal injuries become a serious concern. You fear absolutely nothing, and bow down to no man. Until you're on your knees throwing up your stomach lining, but that's a small price to pay for temporary invincibility.

- Skol Super: Personal favourite, just £1.30 a can, 9%, that's a pretty sound return on your hard-earned, even Martin Lewis would be forced to endorse this volatile syrup. I happen to think it's the most drinkable of all the 'supers', almost too drinkable. Also carries a serious injury warning, possibly by virtue of it's (relative) drinkability. A bad mis-judgement with this stuff at the age of 16 left me shambling out of A+E with about 25 stitches.

- Kestrel Super: Not much to set this apart from the others, one of the cheaper entries, but has the significance of being one half of the infamous concoction; 'Kezzer Diamond'. Half a pint of Kestrel Super, half a pint of Diamond White. Beyond lunacy, 90% chance of arrest. For a few hours you know what it's like to have Charlie Bronson's brain. The hostage-taking British criminal that is, as opposed to the film star. Or maybe both? Yes, probably both.

Can't think of any others right now, but a special mention to the discontinued king of all super-strength lagers, the legendary FORCE 10. 99p a can, straight 10%, unbeatable. Disappeared from the shelves when I was about 18 sadly, I never had the honour of legally purchasing a can of this exquisite nectar.


That's all I have to say on the matter.
#1
greenfrog
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 02:02:18 (permalink)
special k, standard central heating for tramps
post edited by greenfrog - 2012/09/15 02:37:17
#2
Doc Holloway
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 02:10:23 (permalink)
A challenger appears!

#3
RUSSELL CLARTY
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 02:24:32 (permalink)
Mate... that was sheer poetry... and you need fucking help LMAO


#4
Doc Holloway
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 02:45:43 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Jungle Dave

Mate... that was sheer poetry... and you need fucking help LMAO


I do my best to convince myself that this behaviour is normal, yet deep down I know that one day the reality of the situation will come crashing down on me. It's only a matter of time before I willingly give up my warm, safe flat for the dubious yet compelling comfort of a wheely bin behind the back of Morrison's.

This guy understands;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhKla4MEstY
#5
RUSSELL CLARTY
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 02:49:24 (permalink)
During the short time in my youth I was capable of assimilating such poison I still had to near-freeze my Tennants Super to an icy syrup in order to drink it. Two cans = bingo


#6
Doc Holloway
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 03:05:23 (permalink)
Most people wouldn't even entertain the notion of being seen drinking the 'electric soup', but I've always maintained that it affords a completely unique and dynamic level of drunkeness that can't be matched by other, more conventional 'sensible' beverages.

While 12 pints of Fosters will elicit little more than a vague, unsatisfying low-grade buzz, 4 cans of Super T will almost always be the pre-cursor of something unexpected happening. This event will sometimes be good, more often bad, but it's the sheer unpredictablilty that makes it appealing.
#7
greenfrog
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 03:45:02 (permalink)
prolly because it will take you 3x longer to drink 3 cans of fosters than 4 cans of tramp juice, drinking lager slowly just makes me feel sluggish and groce, much different drunkness to necking vodka or wine
post edited by greenfrog - 2012/09/15 04:23:16
#8
sublime
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 07:10:37 (permalink)
That is fucking amazing. You should write for Viz or something. They could do with the equivelant of a wine columnist.
 
Personally I tend to stick to the white cider if I'm reppin' the tramp thing. K is good.





It was called jungle in those days, not drum and bass. That came later

http://soundcloud.com/sublime-dnb
#9
Overlay
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 07:33:52 (permalink)
I think the correct term is trampagne

The only funny sketch mitchell and webb ever made
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwXjm64a3QE
#10
Tommy the Coat
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 07:37:56 (permalink)


I've got some of this shit on order. 32%. Although probably not suitable for the homeless types as its like £35 a bottle it will knock your fucking socks off.


#11
Daniel Snakeman
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 08:58:41 (permalink)
i almost almost feel like wandering down the shop to get some.

please tell me you are accompanying these lagers with equally horrific fags? SK black perhaps?

#12
Majik
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 09:26:34 (permalink)
Super T at carnival?

Props, them some big cojones you have there.


#13
MellowHype
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 10:05:54 (permalink)
Glad I clicked this thread. Good read
#14
Syzlack_24
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 10:07:55 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Doc Holloway

"Like beer? Like getting drunk? Well check out this handy time-saving device, you revolting, destitute cunt!"



ORIGINAL: Doc Holloway

Most people wouldn't even entertain the notion of being seen drinking the 'electric soup', but I've always maintained that it affords a completely unique and dynamic level of drunkeness that can't be matched by other, more conventional 'sensible' beverages.



#15
RUSSELL CLARTY
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 10:48:21 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Doc Holloway

Most people wouldn't even entertain the notion of being seen drinking the 'electric soup', but I've always maintained that it affords a completely unique and dynamic level of drunkeness that can't be matched by other, more conventional 'sensible' beverages.

While 12 pints of Fosters will elicit little more than a vague, unsatisfying low-grade buzz, 4 cans of Super T will almost always be the pre-cursor of something unexpected happening. This event will sometimes be good, more often bad, but it's the sheer unpredictablilty that makes it appealing.


I seem to remember the blue can being involved at a party that ultimately 15 years later led to my marriage...


#16
MrJingle
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 11:31:40 (permalink)
I for one love a strong beer. However I opt for Duvel or Chimay as my taste buds are still relatively active and I am also a ponce.
#17
The Duck of Death
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 12:53:51 (permalink)
I think I was 15 the last time had Super T.. 4 cans and then vomiting all over the gaff, very strong look
#18
oSASo
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 13:12:43 (permalink)
Force 10 lol. That shite was lethal
#19
Alpha Mike
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 14:22:44 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Tommy the Coat



I've got some of this shit on order. 32%. Although probably not suitable for the homeless types as its like £35 a bottle it will knock your fucking socks off.


What the actual fuck? That shit cray
#20
IKOS
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 14:28:50 (permalink)
Fuckinel Doc Great post.



[sm=teeth.gif] Trouble juice.
#21
IKOS
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 14:32:09 (permalink)
For the record i don't drink that, but i've seen true chaos ensue because of it.
#22
H. H. Holmes
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 14:43:25 (permalink)
Polish mandem know how to get things done. Draw for the £1 Debowe or Tetra Mocne on the regs, like a slightly more tolerable special brew.
#23
Rex
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/15 14:51:39 (permalink)
this stuff i found in malaysia is good


#24
Autograff
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/18 16:49:45 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Whowhere

Polish mandem know how to get things done. Draw for the £1 Debowe or Tetra Mocne on the regs, like a slightly more tolerable special brew.


[sm=beer.gif]

Yes

If I want to get horrendously drunk I usually go for Buckfast tho..
#25
gavinx
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/18 16:53:25 (permalink)
do any of these top Buckfast? that is fight juice

#26
RUSSELL CLARTY
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/18 16:59:30 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: gavinx

do any of these top Buckfast? that is fight juice



Bucky is much sleepier than any of Doc's recommendations IMO


#27
gavinx
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/18 17:08:43 (permalink)
i dunno, it gets you that strange kind of 'numb' drunk that makes you want to both throw and also receive punches
#28
Law
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/18 17:20:37 (permalink)
Nice post mate

I feel pretty compelled to get some Skol now.
Funny as recently, drinking shitty lager out and about, I really haven't been getting pissed like I used to.
Just don't feel that buzz or high anymore, I just seem to drink and drink until I am bored shitless or feel fucking ill.

Maybe its time to consistently move up the lager ladder.
#29
NEGUS
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RE: Plutonium-grade tramp lager 2012/09/18 17:28:39 (permalink)
It was all about HSL back in my day.

Not a single drop of fucking about.

Even the name didnt fuck about.

HSL

High Strength Lager.

Fuck about.

[
#30
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