One of the best threads I've ever read.

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Majik
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2008/03/19 20:16:32 (permalink)

One of the best threads I've ever read.

http://forum.football365.com/index.php?t=msg&th=30914&prevloaded=1&&start=

Look out for 'ninestein' and some of his posts TOO MUCH.


#1

62 Replies Related Threads

    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:19:55 (permalink)
    its a fucking sick forum. I had an account but its been locked off lol
     





    #2
    Majik
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:21:42 (permalink)
    There is no football talk on there at all lol it's sick.


    #3
    Blumpy
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:22:33 (permalink)
    i am not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing i cant get an account there but I spend all day reading that. I would spend half my work time photo shopping. The one liners on there are fuckin jokes

    #4
    Majik
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:26:42 (permalink)
    I spent all day reading that thread at work, it is fucking brilliant.


    #5
    MykMallett
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:28:08 (permalink)
    SO far every story has been boring as fuck
    #6
    warlow
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:28:31 (permalink)
    This mad me laugh, there talkin about arguments with there birds

    'I administered the Stone cold stunner, propper kicked he in the mid section,then dropped her, brilliant! I can just remember him standing over her while she lay on the floor chocking/crying'



    #7
    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:30:16 (permalink)
    Not taking anthing away from the forum.
     
    Lately, its been very geeky. USed to be dark as fuck.
     
    Bare student pussy's posting on it these days.




    #8
    MykMallett
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:33:17 (permalink)
    I gave the missus a right hander and she was all crying and stuff. To shut her up, I told her I just did it because I loved her. Then, get this, she says, "you wouldn't do it if you loved me". Crazy bitch. I just walked away. There's no point talking to them when they're like that.


    I lol'd
    #9
    warlow
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:35:43 (permalink)
    LOL AT THIS (still talking about arguements with birds)
    I gave the missus a right hander and she was all crying and stuff. To shut her up, I told her I just did it because I loved her. Then, get this, she says, "you wouldn't do it if you loved me". Crazy bitch. I just walked away. There's no point talking to them when they're like that.



    #10
    :.Andy.:
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:38:33 (permalink)
    haha


    #11
    Keeno
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:42:14 (permalink)
    I gave the missus a right hander and she was all crying and stuff. To shut her up, I told her I just did it because I loved her. Then, get this, she says, "you wouldn't do it if you loved me". Crazy bitch. I just walked away. There's no point talking to them when they're like that.


    Lmao

    #12
    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:43:48 (permalink)
    Well I have already mentioned the honeymoon incident here.
    Basically we were lying on sun loungers in idyllic St Lucia, watching the sea and getting p*ssed on cocktails when out of the blue she turns to me and says "You know [sarah]?" (my sister)
    "Yes" says I
    "You've f**ked her haven't you?"

    Suddenly the resort became less idyllic.

    Then one night we were having sex, the passionate kind rather than the porn star banging stuff we all prefer. Anyway, we'd finished and I leant down to kiss her, and she whispered softly in my ear "I will stab you one day you know"

     
    LMAO




    #13
    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:51:58 (permalink)
    For her birthday I bought her tickets to Phantom in the West End, booked a nice meal, first class train tickets and a very posh hotel (the westbury in mayfair).
    About 3 days before she started moaning at me because she wanted her best friend who had recently been dumped to come with us. I said she couldn't come for the meal, that was a me and you thing, but she can come to the theatre...
    Anyway, lovely meal, mate turns up at the show, all goes well, end of the night she's crying and saying what a wonderful time she had.

    She insists on her mate coming back to our hotel for cocktails before she heads off (she lives in richmond) to catch her train home. I eventually agree, and all is well, have some drinks then her mate says can I see the room? Sure, says I, and the three of us head up there, show her around

    *At this point you may be imagining a threesome situation. Don't - this mate was worse than the PA.

    Anyway we hit the minibar, and the mate says she'd love to stay over. I take the missus aside and say "look, we've had a lovely evening, but I want it to be just us, I'll get her a cab all the way home"

    She agrees and I pack her off in a taxi.

    Back to me and the missus in the room, and we're both pretty hammered by now. We have sex, go to sleep, and I went to slumberland thinking of the lovely time we’d had.

    Next thing I know I wake up, it’s about 5am, and there’s a big thud next to me, then another and another. (I’m lying on my stomach).

    I look round and she’s standing over me with a chair (quite a heavy posh one) over her head, pounding it down on a pillow that’s in my hand, calling me a f**king c**t, and telling me she knew I’d sneak that bitch back in and f**k her.

    I sat up in the bed, and thinking she might be sleepwalking or something I hold up the pillow and say “listen it’s not Rachel, it’s a f**king pillow.” Thinking this will help her see sense.

    She just starts screaming in this awful tone and throws the chair on the floor, and begins pounding the sh*t out of the pillow, screaming you’re a f**king slag, bitch, I can’t trust you etc.etc.

    I’m sitting up in bed now, watching my wife of 7 years attacking a pillow, thinking how wonderful my life can be.

    Anyway, eventually she collapses crying because she’s run out of energy, we sleep for a while and I take her down to breakfast. We have an afternoon in London and catch the train back.

    When we get in the house, the first thing she does is call her friend and tell her she’s a slag and will never speak to her again.

    That was three years ago and she still hasn’t.

     





    #14
    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 20:57:45 (permalink)




    ninestein wrote on Tue, 11 March 2008 17:02


    We were at a charity dinner - I go to a lot of these, and the theme was children with mental disabilities.
    I was at a table of 18, 12 such kids, me and her, and my boss and 2 colleagues.

    I was due to give a speech, and the kids wouldn't shut up, there were about 200 in the room, all boistrous and excited, just being kids really.

    Anyway, my boss (very posh) takes the mic and says "Hello........hello" the kids just ignore him, so he looks at me, and says "Maybe you can get their attention" and hands me the mic
    I look a bit blank and his wife says "Go on, just shout something silly to catch their attention"

    To 200 mentally disabled children, my boss, care workers, doctors and nurses, my wife grabs the mic, and shouts "CUNT!!!"

    Everyone goes quiet, even the kids, and my boss looks at me in horror, I grab the mic and try to salvage the situation by going "YEAH, COME on, COME on, let's have some fun"


    post edited by OEM - 2008/03/19 21:05:40


    #15
    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 21:12:05 (permalink)




    ninestein wrote on Wed, 12 March 2008 11:38


    We were invited to her grandma's 83rd birthday party. Was a big do as she's a popular old bird, big family and all that.
    Anyway about half way through the night I was sitting at a table of oldies, the wife sitting next to me, all chatting, having a nice, if slightly dull, time.

    Mary, her grandma came over and said "eeh ninestein, I must introduce you to shelly, Jane's daughter, remember I was telling you about her"
    I thought "no I don't, but ok then"
    So I got up and followed the old dear across the dancefloor to this table where a lady in her late 60's was beaming at us, and grandma said "Ninestein, this is shelly, she's been dying to meet you, Shelly this is my grand-daughter's husband, the one I was telling you about"
    Then Grandma made the fatal mistake of saying something like "Isn't he big and handsome?"
    Shelly stood up to shake my hand and the wife, now standing behind me grabbed her Grandmother's arm and screamed "Why don't you just deliver this f**king slag on a plate for him!!!!"


     
    Oh my god lmao




    #16
    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 21:16:55 (permalink)
    Passport one...
    Because she doesn't fly (see 52 hour journey incident) we go to france a lot by ferry.
    We got on this particular time and it was morning, so I said let's go to the langans brasserie thingy and have a nice breakfast.
    We got up there, ordered scrambled eggs and toast, coffee, the usual stuff, and despite deciding that the waiter fancied me (male, 65, bald) we had a nice meal.
    Afterwards as we strolled past the information bit I decided to buy a paper. I was about 4 steps behind her at the time, and just turned, bought an independent, and the girl behind the counter spoke to me in french.
    I thought I'd have a chat, so just gave a few basic responses, where we were off to, yes that's my wife, yes travel to france a lot etc.

    I then feel the paper (quite big and heavy) getting taken from me, I look down and see the wife was taking it so let it go.
    fatal error.

    Next thing the paper comes flying over my shoulder, accompanied by cries of french f**king whore, slut, etc.

    I grab her arms and calm her down, we go upstairs for some air because she's been crying a lot.

    She then explains that she thinks I've been having an affair with the girl for over 12 months, and that I've set up the trip so that when we get to calais I will run off with her.

    She says that when I go to work (often in London) she thinks I have been coming to dover and going to calais and back whilst shagging the girl (who I have NEVER met and only exchanged hello's with) behind the counter.

    By the end of her rant, I have made the girl pregnant, and the staff on the ferry are all in on it, which is why they are smiling at me.

    We talk for about another 20 minutes, and we're nearing the french shoreline now. Calmly she takes my passport from my pocket, and walks over to the side of the boat, shouts in the wind, "you don't f**king need this now you're living with your french bitch" and throws it over.

     
    JEsus christ.
     





    #17
    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 21:20:06 (permalink)
    Not long after we got married i sold a business, and decided to have a year off. We moved into an apartment in the south of france, it was on a square, in a place called Juan Les Pins, which is about 10 minutes from cannes.
    One day we were out shopping and wandering through the streets of Cannes, which is a lovely place to spend an afternoon.

    So we have lunch, then she wants to go to zara and a few girlie shops.
    OK, says I, I'll just have a wander, a drink, then meet you later.

    About an hour later I see a dvd shop, very hard to get decent english recent dvds on rental, so I go in and have a look.
    There are loads, all the latest releases, so I think "great, I'll sign up"

    In france they quite like their bureaurocracy and paperwork, so I'm told to provide ID, which I happened to have, and to fill in some forms.
    The lady behind the counter is smoking, looks probably around 50 to be kind, sun dried skin like an old leather sofa and a wonky eye.

    Just as I start to fill in this massive form I hear a familiar banshee-like scream just outside the shop. I turn round to see her drop her shopping outside the door (that's not a euphimism) and charge into the shop at me.

    About 4 feet inside the door is a V shaped rack, holding approx 500 dvds.
    With quite a bit of momentum now, she runs straight into the rack, watched by me and the shopkeeper, and tips it on its side, grunting like a weightlifter.

    She ripped her top (one of those floaty silk things), and cut her forearm on the metal of the stand as it fell.

    Then she calmly walked out.

    I turned to the shopkeeper woman, said something like "Who the f**k was that?" to her, picked up the half-completed form and left.

    I found her sitting outside a cafe along the road, drinking a kir royale and saying she'd seen me giving that "slut" my phone number and had lost control.


     
    this should be re-named the ninestein's missus.
     
    For fuck's sake. lmao




    #18
    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 21:23:56 (permalink)




    ninestein wrote on Thu, 13 March 2008 11:11


    A friend of mine lives in ghent in belgium, through him I got to know a good circle of people, all very nice, laid back, but not what you might call 'beautiful people'

    Anyway, one of them is this swedish girl, called thoren. She's been looking for love all her life, is 41 and finally meets someone special.

    We (the whole crowd, including my wife) are all really pleased, and later in the year (she met him in feb) when we receive an invitation to her wedding party in Bruges we are really excited for her, and for the trip.

    My wife and I arrived at the party shortly after most people, at around 8pm, in a nice big laid back bar right on a canal bank. The bar was set back and there was a decking area outside, then a long tow path past bridges into town.

    After a fairly standard evening, being accused of fancying barmaids, passers by, horses and tables, we're pretty settled into a booth at the back of the bar.

    Thoren, the bride, is wearing her wedding dress so all the guests could see what she looked like on the day (1 week previously).

    When she gave a short speech earlier she thanked everyone for coming, and because we'd given her a nice present (weekend in a friend's b&b in france) she gave us a special mention.

    When she mentioned us though, she pronounced louise (my wife's name) a bit oddly, and it sounded more like Lisa (just picture a strong scandinavian accent)

    So, after I removed my beloved's nails from my forearm, we carried on with the evening, til we end up in the booth, tipsy, tired and happy.

    At this point, things start to go a little awry.
    My wife turns to another couple sitting with us and says "Do you think ninestein has f**ked thoren?"

    We'd met them that morning

    The guy looks at her and laughs, thinking it's a joke, and I laugh politely, tensing my buttocks as I pray for the moment to pass.

    "What the f**k are you laughing at, you know he has don't you???"
    Oh sh*t.

    The guy is from belgium, and to his credit he's very polite and says something like "look, don't be silly, let's just have a drink and enjoy the night"

    Bitter experience and the sight of my wife heading for the bride at the other side of the room tells me we are rather past 'enjoying the night.'

    By the time I reach her, she's enthusiastically telling the bride's rather reserved father that his daughter is a 'whore, cocksucker, slut, has f**ked all the men in the bar, 'including my husband.''

    I don't know much swedish, but my apology didn't seem enough at this point.

    She then turns to me and screams "you f**king b*stard, you're always doing this to me..."

    Before I can begin to calm her down she's running from the bar, and along the towpath.

    Several of the guests were watching her running at quite some pace down the path, from the decking I mentioned earlier.

    So anyway, I am sick by this point, a friend stops me running after her and says "just let her calm down, don't chase her"

    So I stand with him at the edge of the decking, and out of the corner of my left eye I notice the bride's bewildered father walking towards me, just as I see my wife leap from the low canal bridge, fully clothed, with trademark scream, into the very cold, very shallow canal.

    The splash was surprisingly loud, most of the guests (about 80) were by now with us on the decking, the stragglers arriving just in time for her finale, which was to kneel in the 18 inch deep water screaming "ninestein" at the top of her voice.

    Good canapes though.

     
    good lord




    #19
    Majik
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 21:54:02 (permalink)
    I was hoping you would do this OEM lol.

    Ninestein is a joker, half his stuff can't be real, like the one about her hiding in a piano LMAO.


    #20
    Majik
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 21:56:43 (permalink)
    I was at her sister's house, had walked over as she lived close to us, and I was helping her to learn french.
    We sat in the lounge, chatting and me testing her on her french, one of her kids was off school, so he was running around, making a nuisance of himself.

    We sat at the table in her lounge, going through vocab, teaching her phrases etc.

    Anyway, Conor, the young boy, about 5 I think, runs into the lounge and starts bashing away at the piano keys.
    It's an upright piano, with a bit you can take off the back, as with most of them...

    Now Sarah, louise's sister, is a big old hippie, so the theory is that we just let him be a boy, and carry on.

    After a while though, he's been bashing at the keys for ages and I hear a note that's rather unlike the normal piano notes.

    After a few minutes I can take no more, so I walk over to the piano, where conor is now looking around the back saying "Auntie Louise, Auntie louise.

    With some trepidation I look behind, to see my darling wife lying on her side in the bottom of the piano, which is pretty filthy and dusty.
    The cover is lying against the wall and she has somehow managed to slide in there and get the piano quite close to the wall again.

    Once I have completed the perfectly normal activity of removing my dust-covered mentalist from the back of a victorian musical instrument we all stand in a bemused circle in the room.

    Even young Conor, normally quite the whirling dervish, is silently watching his auntie removing 50 year old hair, dust and mouse droppings from her top.

    She smiles and says "just having a laugh!"

    Later at home she tells me she knows I'm f**king her sister. I just agree, I think it's best...


    Fucking brilliant.

    I'm not advocating reading the entire thread now, but if you're ever as bored at work as I am then it's a good read.


    #21
    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 22:00:32 (permalink)
    lmfao
     
    some oif that shit is too much. Kicking the taxi door in when she's just traelled milage to see him
     
    Ferry port with no passport
     





    #22
    Paramedic
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 22:12:06 (permalink)
    this man needs to write a book
    #23
    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 23:41:36 (permalink)
    if you read the thread to the end, the man isnt all there himself.
     
    He's already on about writing a book. i think his earlier posts are fucking sick. When he goes into too much detail, it loses that wit.
     
    I wish i could post on there again




    #24
    Noc
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 23:41:52 (permalink)
    Clearly all bullshit but that doesnt make it any less hilarious.
    #25
    fyan
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/19 23:52:29 (permalink)
    Surely you'd just leave her.

    Nevertheless, this is the greatest thing ever
    #26
    DjNefarious
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/20 00:30:51 (permalink)
    reminds me of these very wise words
    "if only all women could be men for a day, so you could fucking batter them and it'd be alright"

    on writing that down it makes me sound like the world's worst ever domestic abuser and its jokey sentiment about how women do just need a dead arm sometimes really seems to have gone adrift, meh, my statement still stands.

    #27
    Will Mac
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/20 00:40:27 (permalink)
    Her: I'm upset.
    Me: I'm sorry babe, wish I could be there.
    Her: If you loved me you would come back.
    Me: I'm 50 miles from the nearest train station and my friend drove me here. He's had a few beers and I don't have enough for a taxi and train.
    Her: You should want to come back
    Me: I do. But I can't get home. The only option I have is to wait till Sunday (2 days) and get a lift home with my mate.
    Her: You could walk.
    Me: From Devon? It takes 6 hours in a car. It will be much faster for me to wait for a lift on Sunday. It could take me a week to walk home.
    Her: If you loved me you'd manage to get home...


    Women do my fucking head in
    #28
    OEM
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/20 00:40:42 (permalink)


    ORIGINAL: DjNefarious

    on writing that down it makes me sound like the world's worst ever domestic abuser and its jokey sentiment about how women do just need a dead arm sometimes really seems to have gone adrift, meh, my statement still stands.

     
    my mate was trying to sleep and his bird kept slapping him the face. he woke up in a rage and said to her if she did it again she'd get a smack. Of course he went to bed and she did it again. He got up and "tapped" her. Went back to bed. She bite a chunk out his hand. Lmao, he was showing it off earlier


    #29
    Dj ErnO
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    RE: One of the best threads I've ever read. 2008/03/20 00:41:48 (permalink)
    jesus its fukin class a reading material i can't stop reading it lol!!


    Then I Rose Wiping The Bluntz Ash From My Clothez Then Froze Only To Blow The Earth Smoke Through My Nose
    #30
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