Helpful ReplyHot!Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace

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Author
Marley608
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:54:20 (permalink)
Heres sarahs reponse wen she got back!!1

Guys,

Please ensure this does not happen again, I am not proud for people to highlight this to me especially when I have been out of the office.
If this continues I will have to proceed to move one of you to Verity's old desk.

Sarah





I am now sittin at veritys old desk feel like im in isolation, next to my manager and right outside her managers office!!!

#31
Loudwon
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:57:52 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: wineO


Please advise either myself or your manager if you see anyone encouraging the cat in to the building or leaving food/drink out for it.




You know what must be done...

ORIGINAL: Marley608

Heres sarahs reponse wen she got back!!1

Guys,

Please ensure this does not happen again, I am not proud for people to highlight this to me especially when I have been out of the office.
If this continues I will have to proceed to move one of you to Verity's old desk.

Sarah





I am now sittin at veritys old desk feel like im in isolation, next to my manager and right outside her managers office!!!




LOL

gutted, sounds like school.

#32
Daniel Snakeman
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:59:47 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Alert1 2015/04/26 18:03:32
the naughty desk
#33
Marley608
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 12:03:18 (permalink)
It fuckin is.....regimented bullshit....sorry girls but give women too much power and it goes to there head!!!
#34
hushit
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 12:17:01 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: wineO

sorry - not read all of them so this may've already been mentioned but everyone try this

1. go to www.google.co.uk < http://www.google.co.uk/>

2. click on "maps," above the search bar...

3. click on "get directions"

4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)

5. type "Paris" in the second box (the "to" box)

6. click on "get directions"

7. scroll down to step #23 !! (priceless)




Its #24 by the way
#35
wineO
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 12:18:05 (permalink)
1. go to www.google.co.uk < http://www.google.co.uk/>

2. click on "maps," above the search bar...

3. click on "get directions"

4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)

5. type "Paris" in the second box (the "to" box)

6. click on "get directions"

7. scroll down to step #23 !! (priceless)




Its #24 by the way


i didn't write it - just got the email!
#36
Law
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 12:57:39 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Langdon Alger

ORIGINAL: Law

Hi Guys and Girlies



As most of u know I’m leaving nex Monday, so I’m gonna have a nite out on de lash! this Friday starting @ Weather spoons old town bout 7:30 so all that wanna come r more than welcome!



No thanks



Not only would i not go, but i would punch him/her/it straight ni the fucking jaw for saiyng 'on de lash!'



It was a 'her'



ORIGINAL: Snakey

Please note the garden area is now open for all staff in the building to use,

the code to the door is c178zx.

As you are all aware the garden area is non smoking,please stick to the rule

we do not wish to have conflict regarding this issue.

Thank you.

Peter Elias, Building Manager.



Conflict? Is your desk proper rowdy lol
Hand to hand combat for the last 2 to finish their reports!
#37
Law
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 12:58:56 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Alert1 2015/04/26 18:03:43
I've been handed a number of free passes for the Liquid and Envy nightclubs in the Stevenage Leisure Park. Please come and collect from my desk if you are interested in having one - first come first served.

Regards. Gail


Gail is the 55 year old receptionist.

I WOULD RATHER PENETRATE A WALRUS LOVE
#38
Que
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 13:00:53 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Marley608

Hi guys,

Just need to make you both aware that Pete picked up on you both chatting yesterday afternoon and therefore not appearing to be overly busy. Think you
were chatting to one another.

I didn't notice myself but he bought it to my attention and to Sarahs attention once she returned to the office today.

It's not a crime to chat, we all do it but you just need to be more vigilant of the length of time you spend doing it.
Like I said, I didn't notice but it was obviously for a long enough period of time for Pete to notice so please just remember this....keep the chats short and sweet.

Thanks
Sharon






every offica has a "pete".... "pete" is a cunt !!!




ORIGINAL: Munkeh

on the same subject, my mum thought she was a 'big cat' in cumbria


#39
Lrrr
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 13:06:43 (permalink)
Law, you should act really happy and go up to her and say 'Gail you looking wonderful today petal, i would LOVE it if you could give me a couple of free passes for my friends and I to visit Liquid, we've always wanted to go but the £2 entry fee was the major stumbeling block, but you my angel have solved this for us. When i tell the chaps they'll be over that moon that just this coming Weekend we can enjoy all the fat council estate sluts i can manage to get my hands on, £1 WKD copys and justin timberlake tunes repeated for 7 hours, I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF' before picking up the pile of tickets, burning them and then throwing them in her face.
post edited by Langdon Alger - 2007/04/26 13:20:38

#40
wineO
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 13:18:39 (permalink)
well said!
ORIGINAL: Langdon Alger

Law, you should act really happy and go up to her and say 'Gail you looking wonderful today petal, i would LOVE it if you could give me a couple of free passes for my friends and I to visit Liquid, we've always wanted to go but the £2 entry fee was the major stumbeling block, but you my angel have solved this for us. When i tell the chaps they'll be over that moon that just this coming Weekend we can enjoy all the fat council estates i can manage to get my hands on, £1 WKD copys and justin timberlake tunes repeated for 7 hours, I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF' before picking up the pile of tickets, burning them and then throwing them in her face.

#41
S8
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 13:38:35 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: wineO

Additional issues arising include cat hairs on seats which result in sticking to clothing, also of particular concern is that some staff have allergies to hair/cats.



Please shave you head and dump the hair on said staff members desk

@Badrid - you would fucking hate me, i haven't deleted an email since about november. Andi recieve anywere between 50-300 a day

None work related though
#42
Law
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 13:46:31 (permalink)
Read from the bottom up, me and some other geek are starting a little intranet site for the desk but abit non work related.}
He started it off...

From: Law Ricki
Sent: 20 April 2007 12:21
To: Holloway Graham
Subject: RE: Chillout



That ice cream is possibly the tackiest thing I have ever seen. I like the ‘coming soon’ backdrop even if it does look like the Persil logo



Whats the plans then?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Holloway Graham
Sent: 20 April 2007 12:14
To: Law Ricki
Subject: Chillout



https://hsdone/chillout/index.html





Graham Holloway
Customer Service Technician
Horizon Systems

FUJITSU
post edited by Law - 2007/04/26 13:47:58
#43
wineO
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 13:49:52 (permalink)
Council Job Application

A guy goes to the Council to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him "Have you been in the armed services?"

"Yes" he says, "I was in the Falklands for three years."

The interviewer says "That will give you extra points toward employment"
and then asks "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says "Yes 100%... a land mine blew my testicles off."

The interviewer tells the guy "OK. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 a.m."

The guy is puzzled and asks "If the hours are from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.
then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 a.m.?"

"This is a Council job" the interviewer replies. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls.......no point in you coming in for that."
#44
$tevie
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 14:16:07 (permalink)
Dear all,

Let me clear up this Dime bar fiasco. Chris E once asked me if I liked the Dime Bars he had brought in to which I replied "Yes". This has now been turned into "By popular demand (read Chris H) I've managed to obtain another packet of these".

It would appear that if Chris hears me say I like a certain food it gets purchased. If anyone would like a particular food let me know and I will drop it into a conversation. I have a one to one on Thursday so now would be an ideal time. Should be a good meeting because I have fulfilled one of my PDP targets by losing a stone in weight.

Kind Regards,



Fatty Fatty Boom Boom
Chief Taster for Peters Pies


I wud have loads more but I delete them.

#45
hatchettharry
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 14:17:30 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Snakey

Dear All,



Coffee Point has provided our tea and coffee service for the past 3½ years. We want to make sure that their service is appropriate and reflects our needs today.



We therefore need you, our customers, to tell us what you think of the service and how it might be improved.



Please take a few minutes to complete the survey you will find here: http://www.coffeepointsurvey.co.uk/



Thank you for your time.




I took the coffee survey!! - i wasnt happy with the cleanliness of the machine but i though the selection of drinks were v.good but there should be bovril on offer!!!!!

#46
Lrrr
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 14:22:37 (permalink)
Ricki?

Are you a lady?

Punch your mother for incorrectly naming you 'Ricky'

#47
PeterM
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 14:24:52 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: cfliam

read from bottom to top

Well regardless of what they are doing its causing a lot of problems, not juist with our team but with people in the whole management group

Sam Lamb
Outbound Team Leader
Ext - 37798


________________________________________
_____
From: Nicholas, Liam (HCS)
Sent: 21 February 2007 18:54
To: Lamb, Samantha (HCS)
Subject: RE:

Sam im not bein funny, im not gonna hold it in and hurt my stomach, I don’t even need the toilet its jus cos ive eaten loads of fruit n veg all day.. There is nothin wrong with me, there all hypocondriacts over reacting.

________________________________________
_____
From: Lamb, Samantha (HCS)
Sent: 21 February 2007 18:53
To: Nicholas, Liam (HCS)
Subject:

Liam

Go to the toilet please and sort yourself out this is causing a lot of complaints through the whole management group and is not acceptable !!

Sam Lamb
Outbound Team Leader
Ext - 37798




lol

#48
Law
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 14:26:43 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Langdon Alger

Ricki?

Are you a lady?

Punch your mother for incorrectly naming you 'Ricky'


The company spelt my fucking name wrong and it too much hassle to sort out.
It is Ricky
#49
OEM
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 14:28:12 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: cfliam

read from bottom to top

Well regardless of what they are doing its causing a lot of problems, not juist with our team but with people in the whole management group

Sam Lamb
Outbound Team Leader
Ext - 37798


________________________________________
_____
From: Nicholas, Liam (HCS)
Sent: 21 February 2007 18:54
To: Lamb, Samantha (HCS)
Subject: RE:

Sam im not bein funny, im not gonna hold it in and hurt my stomach, I don’t even need the toilet its jus cos ive eaten loads of fruit n veg all day.. There is nothin wrong with me, there all hypocondriacts over reacting.

________________________________________
_____
From: Lamb, Samantha (HCS)
Sent: 21 February 2007 18:53
To: Nicholas, Liam (HCS)
Subject:

Liam

Go to the toilet please and sort yourself out this is causing a lot of complaints through the whole management group and is not acceptable !!

Sam Lamb
Outbound Team Leader
Ext - 37798




LMAO


#50
Lrrr
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 14:38:05 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Law


ORIGINAL: Langdon Alger

Ricki?

Are you a lady?

Punch your mother for incorrectly naming you 'Ricky'


The company spelt my fucking name wrong and it too much hassle to sort out.
It is Ricky


Lmao

That is great, whoever set it up clearly thought they were emplying Mrs Ricki Law/Lake.

#51
Law
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 14:39:05 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Alert1 2015/04/26 18:04:56
The only thing they were clearly implying was their own utter incompetence
#52
Split Concept
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 14:57:21 (permalink)
Advance Warning!!



Sandy and I will be defrosting the fridge next Tuesday (1 May) We will be bringing in a freezer bag and blocks for you to use.



Sorry for any inconvenience this will cause – we will be as quick as pos.



Dee


#53
Lrrr
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 15:03:30 (permalink)
If my company had spelt my name wrong i would be seriously pissed off.

Especially if i had a unisex name and they'd given me the female spelling lol

#54
Law
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 15:07:35 (permalink)
I couldnt say I was annoyed beyond words.
They managed to spell my name write on my pass.


One of the dense supervisors once took it upon himself to spell it 'Rickie' in an email.
Has anyone EVER been called Rickie, what a complete cunt.
I'd like to say he was taking the piss, but he really is that thick.
#55
Lrrr
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 15:11:05 (permalink)
It could of been worse, they could of called you Wickie.

#56
wineO
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 15:15:55 (permalink)
> Subject: THANKSGIVING'S FARTS


> >
> > This story has been around for years, BUT it's
> > that time again to read and enjoy....

> > This is a story about a couple who had been
> > happily married for years. The only friction in their
> > marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly
> > every morning when he awoke. The noise would
> > wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water
> > and make her gasp for air.
> >
> > Every morning she would plead with him to stop
> > ripping them off because it was making her sick. He
> > told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly
> > natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was
> > concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
> >
> > The years went by and he continued to rip them
> > out.
> > Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing
> > the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound
> > asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the
> > turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the
> > spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
> >
> > She took the bowl and went upstairs where her
> > husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the
> > bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of
> > his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts
> > into his shorts.
> >
> > Some time later she heard her husband waken with
> > his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood
> > curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as
> > he ran into the bathroom.
> >
> > The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled
> > on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years
> > of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty
> > good.
> >
> > About twenty minutes later, her husband came
> > downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look
> > of horror on his face.
> >
> > She bit her lip as she asked him what was the
> > matter.
> >
> > He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years
> > you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
> >
> > "What do you mean?" asked his wife.
> >
> > "Well, you always told me that one day I would end
> > up farting my guts out, and today it finally
> > happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and
> > these two fingers, I think I got most of them back
> > in."

#57
Marley608
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 15:16:39 (permalink)
Oh found another, this ones from my managers boss,

her office is behind me now i sit at veritys old desk!
rude bitch came out slammed her hands on my table and told me to get off the phone, needless to say i made sure that phonecall carried on for at least another 3 mins, rude bitch, everyone makes personal calls!!!

'I am extremely disappointed at having to leave my office during a conversation with a Director, due to not being able to hear myself speak over your private call.
I believe Sarah has already had to speak to you about your conduct, and note that you chose to make this call whilst Sarah and Sharon were not here.
I will ask Sarah to review this incident and deal with it accordingly.'


Like fuck she was on the phone to a director, she just buttered it up to make it sound worse, and if she was.......then close ur fuckin door.......dickhead!!
#58
Lrrr
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 15:22:27 (permalink)
It might possibly be time to start looking for another job Marley.

#59
wineO
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 15:25:36 (permalink)
Subject: TESCO EVERY LITTLE HELPS
One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind Him "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"

"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery,"

Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points".

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.

He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the

urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis

elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.

It will improve in two weeks".

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and "pleasured himself"

into the mixture for

good measure.

Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen.

He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

3) Your daughter has a coc aine habit. Get her into rehab.

4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours.

Get a lawyer.

5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.....



Thank you for shopping at Tesco.

#60
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