Helpful ReplyHot!Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace

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Author
Law
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2007/04/26 10:56:18 (permalink)

Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace

Ill get back to you on this.

I did have 4000 to choose from but im down to a puny 523
#1
Daniel Snakeman
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 10:58:53 (permalink)
Dear All,



Coffee Point has provided our tea and coffee service for the past 3½ years. We want to make sure that their service is appropriate and reflects our needs today.



We therefore need you, our customers, to tell us what you think of the service and how it might be improved.



Please take a few minutes to complete the survey you will find here: http://www.coffeepointsurvey.co.uk/



Thank you for your time.
#2
Law
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:00:26 (permalink)
All,



Me and John are going to go round and check everyone’s pod and desks in case someone has hidden it or moved it somewhere messing about. If it has been found I would appreciate if someone comes to me now as NOBODY will get into any trouble over this I just want it returned.


If it is found then I will not be blaming or telling anyone off as I understand people can move things in other peoples drawers and bags etc.



If you have any objections to this please let me know as I come round.



Thanks


That bit was actually highlighted.

As if lol
#3
Pieman.....
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:00:28 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Alert1 2015/04/26 17:48:29
The worst joke to be emailed around this week

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face that a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with ruggedand masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.



this one was not to bad

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird
> section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and
> asks if
> > >>>he
> > >>>can help them.
> > >>>
> > >>>"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up
> > > dere,"
> > >>>says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
> > >>>
> > >>>Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into
> > >>>
> > >>>Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
> > >>>
> > >>>At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says,
> > >>>
> > >>>"Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the box,
> > > puts
> > >>>one
> > >>>on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
> > >>>
> > >>>Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to
> > > the
> > >>>bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his
> > >>>best
> > >>>pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is
> > >>>too
> > >>>fook'n dangerous for me!"
> > >>>
> >
> > >>>THERE'S MORE...
> > >>>
> > >>>Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the pet
> > >>>shop
> > >>>too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard
> > > box
> > >>>in
> > >>>one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Paddy, watch dis," Seamus
> > >>>says.
> > >>>He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws
> > >>>himself
> > >>>over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way
> > > down,
> > >>>Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
> > >>>
> > >>>Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and
> > >>>breaks every bone in his body.
> > >>>
> > >>>Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat
> > > parrotshooting
> > >>>either!"
> > >>>
> >
> >
> > >>>IT'S NOT OVER YET...
> > >>>
> > >>>Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean
> > >>>appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard
> > > box
> > >>>out
> > >>>of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then takes the chicken by its legs
> > > and
> > >>>hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits
> > > a
> > >>>rock and breaks his spine.
> > >>>
> > >>>Once more Paddy shakes his head. "Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry
> > >>>with
> > >>>his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... and now Sean and his
> > >>>fook'n
> > >>>hengliding!"
> > >>>
#4
Marley608
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:01:02 (permalink)
Hi guys,

Just need to make you both aware that Pete picked up on you both chatting yesterday afternoon and therefore not appearing to be overly busy. Think you
were chatting to one another.

I didn't notice myself but he bought it to my attention and to Sarahs attention once she returned to the office today.

It's not a crime to chat, we all do it but you just need to be more vigilant of the length of time you spend doing it.
Like I said, I didn't notice but it was obviously for a long enough period of time for Pete to notice so please just remember this....keep the chats short and sweet.

Thanks
Sharon


#5
Lrrr
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:02:29 (permalink)
Take your pick from any of the 1400 sponsored events going on at anyone one point. I'm gonna start a sponsored sponser.

I feel like saying 'Look love, although i feel bad your friend who i've met is dying, i don't wanna give them my hard earned money'

#6
Daniel Snakeman
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:03:47 (permalink)
chuck pete out the window
#7
Law
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:05:30 (permalink)
Hi Guys and Girlies



As most of u know I’m leaving nex Monday, so I’m gonna have a nite out on de lash! this Friday starting @ Weather spoons old town bout 7:30 so all that wanna come r more than welcome!



No thanks
#8
The Duck of Death
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:12:20 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Marley608

Hi guys,

Just need to make you both aware that Pete picked up on you both chatting yesterday afternoon and therefore not appearing to be overly busy. Think you
were chatting to one another.

I didn't notice myself but he bought it to my attention and to Sarahs attention once she returned to the office today.

It's not a crime to chat, we all do it but you just need to be more vigilant of the length of time you spend doing it.
Like I said, I didn't notice but it was obviously for a long enough period of time for Pete to notice so please just remember this....keep the chats short and sweet.

Thanks
Sharon






what is the fucking point pete you twat
#9
Daniel Snakeman
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:14:41 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Law

Hi Guys and Girlies



As most of u know I’m leaving nex Monday, so I’m gonna have a nite out on de lash! this Friday starting @ Weather spoons old town bout 7:30 so all that wanna come r more than welcome!



No thanks



DEYA
#10
Rachel
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:16:14 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Marley608

Hi guys,

Just need to make you both aware that Pete picked up on you both chatting yesterday afternoon and therefore not appearing to be overly busy. Think you
were chatting to one another.

I didn't notice myself but he bought it to my attention and to Sarahs attention once she returned to the office today.

It's not a crime to chat, we all do it but you just need to be more vigilant of the length of time you spend doing it.
Like I said, I didn't notice but it was obviously for a long enough period of time for Pete to notice so please just remember this....keep the chats short and sweet.

Thanks
Sharon





Where do you work the silent office?

No one here talks its all msn I hate it nothing better than a good office chat on shit
#11
Lrrr
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:27:02 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Law

Hi Guys and Girlies



As most of u know I’m leaving nex Monday, so I’m gonna have a nite out on de lash! this Friday starting @ Weather spoons old town bout 7:30 so all that wanna come r more than welcome!



No thanks



Not only would i not go, but i would punch him/her/it straight ni the fucking jaw for saiyng 'on de lash!'

#12
PeterM
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:30:07 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Alert1 2015/04/26 17:49:24
Dear All,

A broken chair has been left in the reception area. I would be grateful if the member of staff who has left it there could let me know why it was moved there, and where it came from.

I can’t get you a replacement chair if I don’t know who you are!


Thanks
Tony




#13
Marcus-Darkus
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:30:12 (permalink)
back at work tomorrow so will add some, i have some classics


Mad P - "On the second day of Christmas
my true love sent to me,
Afghani Black on a big rock the living mampi."

#14
DJ Zelous
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:31:15 (permalink)
entitled "site piss up!!"

As opposed to the sedate bowling evening set up for the client I am also organising an evening out for the SITE.
A curry in Canary Wharf followed by a lock in at the local Boozer.................. And on from there if people want!!!!!!!!!!


not more hours with them lot lol



Downing hard alcohol after your already mashed is not a good idea
#15
PeterM
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:32:02 (permalink)
Dear All,

As you may already know there have been sightings of a mouse on the 1st floor recently. The situation is now under control and should shortly be resolved, but this has raised a number of issues. There are concerns regarding the cleaning and changing of bin liners on the floors (I am taking this forward with Mapeley), however most of the problems have resulted from staff.

Please can staff ensure that they clean up after themselves thoroughly if they are eating at their desks, as bread crumbs alone can feed mice for days? In addition staff must ensure that food is properly stored in containers. This includes all food, be it sandwiches or fruit, or soups and tea bags. Please also note that if food is stored in pedestals, this must again be properly stored as mice are able to get into the pedestals. Food must no longer be left open on desk tops either, as mice will use cables running to PC’s to get onto desks.

Whilst this may seem a measure to limit the rodent’s food supply, it will also ensure that the area is not ‘homely’ to any future mice who may try and move in!!

Please also note that the mouse currently in residence is a white domestic mouse. If any members of staff keep these as pets you may wish to check on your numbers as this is the most likely way they got into the building.



Thanks
Tony

#16
Lrrr
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:34:03 (permalink)
The only bonus ball about staff outnigs are you can lay groundwork for getting in some panties/boxers.

#17
DJ Zelous
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:35:49 (permalink)
theres no malt in this office

well theres one, but her boyfirend is a dole bludging crack dealer lol



Downing hard alcohol after your already mashed is not a good idea
#18
Daniel Snakeman
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:36:33 (permalink)
Tony sounds like a real fun guy
#19
loopology
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:38:03 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Alert1 2015/04/26 17:50:35
Whilst back from Uni a few years ago I worked for my local council legal department.

I received an email asking whether I would be interested in joining a 'sandwich committee' and whether I wanted to attend a meeting regarding the initiation of the committee.

I declined.
#20
Lrrr
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:38:38 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: loopology

Whilst back from Uni a few years ago I worked for my local council legal department.

I received an email asking whether I would be interested in joining a 'sandwich committee' and whether I wanted to attend a meeting regarding the initiation of the committee.

I declined.


I would of quit that job that very second.

#21
Daniel Snakeman
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:39:18 (permalink)
Please note the garden area is now open for all staff in the building to use,

the code to the door is c178zx.

As you are all aware the garden area is non smoking,please stick to the rule

we do not wish to have conflict regarding this issue.

Thank you.

Peter Elias, Building Manager.
#22
loopology
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:40:02 (permalink)

ORIGINAL: Langdon Alger

ORIGINAL: loopology

Whilst back from Uni a few years ago I worked for my local council legal department.

I received an email asking whether I would be interested in joining a 'sandwich committee' and whether I wanted to attend a meeting regarding the initiation of the committee.

I declined.


I would of quit that job that very second.


I was more upset about the fact that my taxes pay these peoples wages!

#23
Lrrr
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:41:04 (permalink)
Actually i've just had a thought. Why do you people keep these e-mails?!?

It's cunts like you who have massive inboxes. I now hate you all. Die please.

Thanks m8 xxx

#24
Daniel Snakeman
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:41:56 (permalink)
Hi all

The BL2 Social Committee has arranged a 'fun packed' evening of Bowling to take place on Tuesday 27 March at our usual venue which is:

Rowans Leisure, Finsbury Park Bowling Alley

Please see the attached poster for full details.

For catering purposes I would be grateful for your response as soon as possible.

I look forward to hearing from you.
#25
wineO
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:41:59 (permalink)
sorry - not read all of them so this may've already been mentioned but everyone try this

1. go to www.google.co.uk < http://www.google.co.uk/>

2. click on "maps," above the search bar...

3. click on "get directions"

4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)

5. type "Paris" in the second box (the "to" box)

6. click on "get directions"

7. scroll down to step #23 !! (priceless)

#26
DISGRUNTLED_DJ
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:42:23 (permalink)
Dear All


Thank you for your patience this morning, the false fire alarm was activated due to essential work be carried for the new postroom location.

Many thanks

kinda wish the place had burnt down t.b.h
post edited by J_ROC_IZZLE - 2007/04/26 11:43:11

#27
DJ Zelous
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:45:19 (permalink)
we have 9 regional offices and a few sub-companies, and every few weeks or so youll get an email like "Hi there, im Phil McCrackin, and ive worked for midlands civils for 23 years and 7 days. i have planned to see if the grass is greener on the other side (more like im a greedy cunt and want more money lol) and am having a drink at (some shitty town) on (date). meet me at llyods/yates/spoons at half 7. we might even go clubbing if you can handle it!!

regards

Phil mcC"

fucking pricks
post edited by DJ Zelous - 2007/04/26 11:49:25



Downing hard alcohol after your already mashed is not a good idea
#28
Loudwon
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:50:36 (permalink)
lol

Do these people who invite work "friends" out not have any real mates?

Hi I'm lonely come out for a drink with me & maybe go to a cheese club so I dont have to stay in with my ugly wife watching Grease is the word trying to think where is all went wrong
post edited by Loudwon - 2007/04/26 11:51:15

#29
wineO
  • Total Posts : 82
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RE: Post up stupid emails sent round your workplace 2007/04/26 11:53:25 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Alert1 2015/04/26 17:51:32

ORIGINAL: PeterM

Dear All,

As you may already know there have been sightings of a mouse on the 1st floor recently. The situation is now under control and should shortly be resolved, but this has raised a number of issues. There are concerns regarding the cleaning and changing of bin liners on the floors (I am taking this forward with Mapeley), however most of the problems have resulted from staff.

Please can staff ensure that they clean up after themselves thoroughly if they are eating at their desks, as bread crumbs alone can feed mice for days? In addition staff must ensure that food is properly stored in containers. This includes all food, be it sandwiches or fruit, or soups and tea bags. Please also note that if food is stored in pedestals, this must again be properly stored as mice are able to get into the pedestals. Food must no longer be left open on desk tops either, as mice will use cables running to PC’s to get onto desks.

Whilst this may seem a measure to limit the rodent’s food supply, it will also ensure that the area is not ‘homely’ to any future mice who may try and move in!!

Please also note that the mouse currently in residence is a white domestic mouse. If any members of staff keep these as pets you may wish to check on your numbers as this is the most likely way they got into the building.



Thanks
Tony




now i know where billy will be welcome!

"Dear All

We really must ensure that Billy the cat is not allowed in to the building. As I believe most of you are aware, we have already received a letter from the owner asking if we could prevent the cat entering the building. We have received a number of complaints to say that it is still coming in.



Additional issues arising include cat hairs on seats which result in sticking to clothing, also of particular concern is that some staff have allergies to hair/cats.



We need to keep the cat out of the building. If it does come in, could anyone who is comfortable picking up cats remove it please. If you are uncomfortable doing so please see if any of your colleagues would be comfortable doing so, or contact Lynn Dickinson in HR who would come and remove it.



Food or drink has been left out in the kitchen which should stop immediately. This is not hygienic, the cat should not be allowed in to the kitchen as this is a breach of health and safety regulations which could lead to disciplinary action being taken.



If the cat comes in to reception it should be removed.



I appreciate that there will be Billie the cat fans within the building and that it’s been coming here for a number of years however legislation alone, as well as the owner, means that we seriously can no longer permit this.



Please advise either myself or your manager if you see anyone encouraging the cat in to the building or leaving food/drink out for it.

Thank you for your help, I hope you understand we have no choice in this matter.

Kind regards

Marie"
#30
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