Helpful ReplyHot!Jokes thread...

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Unsweetened chunks
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RE: Jokes thread... 2008/06/12 20:28:02 (permalink)
Have you seen that film about constipation?
Oh wait, it hasn't come out yet.



#61
Apeman
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RE: Jokes thread... 2008/07/03 16:02:15 (permalink)
What do 8 out of 10 people enjoy?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Double gang rape.
#62
DJMinus
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RE: Jokes thread... 2008/07/03 16:06:02 (permalink)
Man walks into the chippy with a cod under his arm.
He asks the guy behind the counter "Have you got any fishcakes left mate?"
"Yes we have" the guy replies
"Nice one, (looks down at the cod) its his birthday"







Catch me @ WORK in Bristol, every Mon - Fri, 9 - 5
#63
Apeman
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RE: Jokes thread... 2008/07/03 16:07:59 (permalink)

#64
Overlay
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RE: Jokes thread... 2008/07/03 16:12:23 (permalink)
What's Stevie Wonder's favourite colour?  Corderoy.

What do you call a chinese woman with one leg?  Eireen

What do call a man with no arms or legs who can swim the channel?  Bob.


#65
wiseacre
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RE: Jokes thread... 2008/07/03 16:13:50 (permalink)
did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

he worked it out with a pencil



how much does a cockney pay for shampoo?

pantene

no
#66
urdie
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RE: Jokes thread... 2008/07/03 16:40:53 (permalink)
Man walks into the chippy with a cod under his arm.
He asks the guy behind the counter "Have you got any fishcakes left mate?"
"Yes we have" the guy replies
"Nice one, (looks down at the cod) its his birthday"


LOL so lame but mildly funny 
#67
Apeman
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RE: Jokes thread... 2008/07/03 16:43:50 (permalink)


ORIGINAL: wiseacre

how much does a cockney pay for shampoo?

pantene

I can imagine Karl Pilkington delivering this one superbly
#68
deejayklass1
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RE: Jokes thread... 2008/07/03 19:36:22 (permalink)
There are three friends, one is an alcoholic,one is a chain smoker and the other is a homosexual and they all go to the doctors to get cured.Doctor says if you indulge in any of your activities you'll die.Walking home the alcoholic pops into a bar orders a double whisky, drops down dead.
Two friends are shocked walking home they see a fag butt burning on the floor, homosexual looks at the chain smoker and says if you bend over and pick that up we're both dead.
 
Two men other side of the world thinking exactly the same thing.
One is doin a tightrope between two skyscrapers, the other is getting head off an 85 year old.
What are they both thinking?
 
 
 
 
dont look down....dont look down...


#69
rhetoric mc
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RE: Jokes thread... 2008/07/03 19:57:41 (permalink)
A geeza walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. ''He can play any musical instrument in the world''. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot. he stands up & says that he will bet anyone in the pub Â£50 that the octopus can play any instrument.

A bloke walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his £50. Another geeza walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his £50. Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look on his face.

"Ha!" the Scot says. "He can't play it?"

The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to fuck the arse of  it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."
#70
Chemi Man
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RE: Jokes thread... 2008/07/03 20:08:02 (permalink)
A man goes into a pub and after a couple he announces to the entire pub

"If you blindfold me and give me the hide of any animal, you give me a beer if I can tell you what animal it was and what it was killed with"

Both bemused and intrigued, one man runs out to his truck and brings back a slain carcass, and puts it on the table. After feeling it for a few seconds, the drunk says

"That's a deer, shot with a .42 Rifle" he was right and like he was promised, 1 pint which he downed instantly. Along came another hunter with a dead animal.

"That's a rabbit, killed with a spear" Right again, he necked another pint.

Another one is given to him to feel; "That's a panther, shot with a .44 caliber Magnum"

All night he never got one wrong and the beer kept coming. By the time he got home he was so pissed and blacked out shortly after. He awoke the next morning with a massive headache and a black eye. Looking to his wife he said "I'm sorry dear, but I must have been in a fight last night, I got a black eye"

"No I did that" she said

"You did?"

"Yes" she said, "You came home last night pissed out your face, put your hand down my knickers and said "Skunk killed with a hatchet!""



#71
Geordie007
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Re: RE: Jokes thread... 2018/04/17 12:43:49 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby darkmatter 2018/04/17 12:56:02
A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”
#72
JUDGEDREDD
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Re: RE: Jokes thread... 2018/04/17 12:49:57 (permalink)
A 10 year old single post bump, impressive!
#73
Geordie007
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Re: RE: Jokes thread... 2018/04/17 12:55:57 (permalink)
I was sure there was another more recent one but search didnt find it
#74
Handsome B Wonderful
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Re: RE: Jokes thread... 2018/04/17 13:08:53 (permalink)
#75
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